It's been awhile

It has been awhile since I have posted here. My journey is still continuing.  I have scans next week. They've scheduled a mammogram, an MRI, and a bone density scan.  If the Mammo and MRI are clear, I can go to yearly scans! The bone density is for one of the cancer drugs I am on.  What a cycle. I still have problems with peripheral neuropathy, and the meds do not always keep it at bay, so I may have another med change. I'll know in January.  I'll deal with the neuropathy though as long as the cancer doesn't return.
Now onto Mark. I am sitting in the waiting area at the Neurologist as I write this. He is going through 4 hours of cognitive testing.  The doctors need this testing so they can write a report that hopefully disability will accept.  Basically, Mark sees something, and his reaction time to what he sees is slow. The part of his brain that interprets what he sees and tells the part of the brain to react to that was damaged when he had the stroke.  He has difficulty reading, writing, driving in traffic, processing what he wants to say, and has a lot of difficulty in crowds.  I am hopeful that this piece will help us get the disability he deserves. 
He is frustrated sometimes because physically he looks great. The physical things came back with 6 months of PT. So, people think he is fine. We don't see many people socially anymore as it can be difficult for him. Too many people tires him, and he just can't function well, or he manages but needs two days to recover. So, please understand if we haven't seen you lately, or Mark seems distant when you do see him, or he doesn't talk much, it's part of what happened to him. Also understand that if he seems normal to you that he is working VERY hard at it.

It's like my cancer. After I was done with Chemo and radiation and my hair started coming in, it didn't mean I wasn't still feeling the effects or wasn't tired anymore.

So, pray for Mark and I as we continue on our journey. We are doing great and are completely blessed by awesome family and friends!
Love to you all and Merry Christmas! #findyourjoy!

August 2017

A lot has happened recently.  I am over a year out of treatment, and I have clear scans.  I really thought this journey was over, but as I'm sure all of you know, Mark had a stroke in February.  It was a vertebral artery tear. Basically, there was a tear in his artery, blood clots collected behind the tear, and all at once they broke loose sending 100 or more clots into his brain.  He was in the hospital for 5 days, and just recently was discharged from PT.  Now comes the hard part. See, his cognitive skills were effected.  He can't be in crowds, he has trouble concentrating, he can only read on his best rested day at an early 4th grade level, and he still has physical issues such as muscle movement or muscle memory, and speaking when he gets over tired.  Now the long road to recovering those issues starts.  6 more months will tell a lot they tell us.

My New Year

Last Friday was the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. This is my new year. As much as I have control over certain things, I have made resolutions. I live my life differently. I don't let the little things bother me as much, and I truly feel sorry for people who get caught up in unnecessary things just to make themselves look or feel better. That feeling they have is only temporary. I pray more, read more, talk more, feel more, and have become much more stable in who I am.
There are down days too. I posted on my facebook wall that I have cried more this last month than in the last year mostly due to my frustration of my limitations. I am still limited physically, mentally, and emotionally. When I get very busy those things rear their ugly heads. I'm still figuring out how to deal with that when it happens.
This blog is not finished for me, because this journey is not finished for me. Today, I have to go and have my port flushed and they are doing bloodwork in preparation for my scans in November. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I'm nervous about the upcoming scans, but I have other things to concentrate on right now. Like myself, school, my dissertation, and of course my daughter's wedding!

My jumbled thoughts

I'm feeling better but a bit jumbled lately. I have a lot in my mind and it makes me crazy sometimes.

First, School will be starting soon. I'm so excited to see everyone and be teaching my students again. I'm worried about my stamina though. I'll make it through the first day I'm sure, but then not being exhausted for the second day concerns me.

Second, my dissertation process is SLOW! I kind of knew it might be, but I'm a little frustrated with myself because I'm not as quick at it as I was before.

Third, the neuropathy. It will be fantastic for a few days and then BAM! I'm in so much pain I can't stand it. I even cut my thumb pretty bad this week and didn't feel it.

Fourth, I just need to be sleeping at night. I need restorative sleep. My mind will constantly go go go about things I cannot fix and/or I have some pain issues.

Sorry for the downer of a post. It's just where I am today.

All of my Doctors

I have so many doctor and scan appointments now! I saw my radiation oncologist last Friday and my medical oncologist today. Radiation thinks I look good and after my mammogram they want to see me. Medical oncology has decided to start me on Tamoxifin and see how I do. If I don't do well, then he'll stop it. He's concerned about the neuropathy, but we really won't know the extent of the damage for about a year. He wants me to get moving as best I can, so I'm probably going to join the gym so I can ride stationary bike to start. Luckily, with a letter of medical necessity from him, it'll be paid for.
So, I return in two months to him so they can flush my port, and in 4 months after I have a full body scan. Boy is November and December filling up!

Step 1

There are a few things I hinted at that will be changing for me as I continue my staying cancer free journey. My cancer was not genetic, so there are a few things I am going to change in order to give myself every fighting chance to not get cancer again. My cancer has a high probability of reoccurring, but I'm not giving it that chance. With these changes, it will happen.

So....step one

Change what I am putting IN my body. I LOVE junk food, and sugar, and especially white breads and pasta....no more.
For the last two weeks, Mark and I have been cutting out all bleached flour sources. We actually have had no pasta( loving zoodles!) and only whole grain bread(but VERY limited). Also, we have had no sugar unless it comes from a natural source like fruit.
It has been hard, and I have slipped once or twice, but instead of giving up, I forgave myself and moved on.
Actually, I craved ice cream the other night. I did have some, and it didn't taste very good to me.
I have also lost 8 pounds!
So....what do we eat?
Well, for instance, last night we had Italian sausage on the grill. It is locally made, so I know what is in it. Normally we would have these sausages on a roll with chips and dip. Tonight, we had the sausage without the rolls, peppers and onions sauteed in a little bit of olive oil and beautiful large portabella mushrooms grilled. It was so good.

This is the first change we are making, once we get this down, on to the next change.

Getting Stronger

I am getting stronger everyday! I am having more good days in a week than bad days!
Those are all great things, but ......
I need to remind myself everyday to be patient.
Taking one day at a time, and being patient with myself has been one of the biggest lessons I have learned through this journey. So, being the type A person that I am (bet you could have never guessed that about me!), I want to be back to normal NOW!
If I do too much on one day, the neuropathy usually strikes with a vengeance the next day. I have to learn to pace myself and be okay with not accomplishing everything.

Here's the thing. Even though someone is done with treatment, they say it takes the same amount of time after treatment that they were in treatment to start to feel normal again. So, for me, that is around 6 months. I was in treatment for 6 months and I can look forward 6 months and gauge about the time I'll START feeling normal.
Even though I may look good, and feel good one day, I may be down the next, or extra tired, or have to say no to something I have done in the past.

One thing I do know, my cancer was not genetic. It does however have a high probability of re-occurrence. So, I have been doing a lot of reading about environmental causes of Breast Cancer. There are major changes coming to this lady. I'll write about them in my next posts.
Thanks for all of the kind words and gestures!