Where is your Joy?

I have been pondering why I haven't truly been feeling joy when I #findyourjoy so much.  As I really sat back and analyzed it, I realized that my joy moments were coming from external things.  Things I saw, blessings I know I have, and people who have extended their kind words, but not from inside of me.  I have wondered for awhile now why I wasn't always really feeling joyful at the end of the day but could encourage others to find joy and seemingly be able to verbalize what my joys were. They are my joys, but I cannot rely on outward joys alone. I need to truly find and feel joy with myself and within myself.

I ultimately decided that I need to be selfish, and make this about ME. When I went through my cancer it was difficult for me to rely on other people. I was very grateful for those that helped me, and turned a lot of that help into helping others. By helping others it helped me not think about me and my situation. Once finished, I had 6 months and then Mark had his stroke. Now my focus had to turn to him.  Again if I focused all of my attention on him, I didn't have to focus my attention on me, my recovery, and being the wife of a man who I almost lost due to the stroke. Then things became stressful.  We know Mark is back physically(he only has issues when he is over tired and not concentrating on walking), but his cognitive issues will not get better. He does really well, but our lives have changed. The stress has gotten to me lately, the change in our lifestyle, being the sole breadwinner of the family, and the whole process of filing for Social Security Disability for a man who is 50 and "looks" good is daunting at best some days.  So, I decided I need to concentrate on me a little more and find my true joy inside of me and not rely on outer things to provide it. 

My journey began today with my first one on one yoga session with Danielle.  I decided private sessions would be best as I need that one on one attention.  It was great to do gentle stretches, concentrate on my own breath, how I feel, and not worry about anything else.  I felt great afterward. 

I go again next week, and cannot wait. 

So, I'm on a ME journey. You will still see my #findyourjoy posts because I still like the outward signs of joy that are given to each of us everyday, but I will also try to post on my inner joy as well. This is a journey, it will take time, but I am looking forward to the process, and that I have all of my #findyourjoy friends to support me! So, I encourage you to keep finding your joy and also to make sure you are finding that joy within you as well as through the outward things that give you joy!

Find your Joy

I have had a lot of comments either in person or on line regarding my #findyourjoy.  It is really something I try to live everyday. Everyone has their struggles, and this mantra applies to anyone.  Just find one thing you can be joyful for. The sunshine, the birds singing, a restful night, a little time without pain etc.

One thing I have noticed by doing this is how negative people can be.  I get very uncomfortable when I hear negativity now, especially from people who I can see where all of the joyful things are in their life.  I have to remember that I don't know where people are at in their own personal lives, and I need to gently remind them or encourage them to find a positive.

So, now that I feel comfortable as to where I am at with my joy journey, it's time for the next step. ME, I am the next step. My neuropathy is something I cannot find joy in, I constantly remind myself that I am cancer free, but the neuropathy is permanent and it does interfere with my daily living more often than not.  So, I am going to focus on me. I am making some small, sequential changes in my physical life that I will be sharing as I go. I have been doing a lot of research on peripheral neuropathy and will be making these changes starting this week. So..... stay tuned!



P.S. Mark is doing well, we are still awaiting initial determination on Social Security Disability, so keep us in your prayers and keep finding your joy!