UP-date

So, today I was able to get down onto my yoga mat! It felt so nice.  I spent time just sitting, breathing, and stretching.  I also had some time to think about how I am doing with showing myself grace.  I must admit, not very well. I have had quite a few times in the last few weeks since returning to work and the musical where I have beat myself up about not being able to "perform" the way I think I should or I think others think I should. I'm tired, I'm a bit short tempered, and I don't like it.
While sitting and listening to a meditation on insight timer, the one I picked(totally at random), it really resonated with me.  It has been what I have been struggling.....THE PAST!
I need to embrace my new normal, my new life and go forward leaving the past behind.

It's like when the kids both left for college and Mark and I were empty-nesters. We missed the kids, but we knew we had raised them to spread their wings and fly from the nest.  We settled in nicely totally being able to re-connect.  Then our chaos started with my cancer. 

I feel like I am standing at another crossroads of sorts. I don't need to "re-invent" myself, I need to sit, listen, and discover who I am now.  I'm still Kim, but now I'm not the Kim who has teenage kids, I'm not the Kim that hasn't faced cancer, chemo and radiation.  I'm not the Kim who has had a husband who suffered a stroke. I'm not the Kim who is the sole income earner of the house currently.  A lot of this makes me angry, but I'm moving forward.  There are exciting things that are going to happen in my life. A lot of good things that are going to happen.  I need to just be in the moment so I don't miss them.

So....how am I doing showing myself grace?  I'm getting there, getting there one day at a time.