Snow Days and Springtime

Winter decided to come all at once the last three days! Our winter had been fairly mild, when suddenly on Wednesday we woke up to a Blizzard warning forecasted for Thursday and Friday! So, no school Thursday or Friday. I was able to do some things around the house, catch up on some tv and read! It has been lovely.
 Mark is currently out blowing the snow out of the driveway(the second time in 24 hours). He had only used the snow blower 3 or 4 times until then. We probably received around 2 feet when all was said and done, but it's kind of hard to tell because the winds were so strong for much of the time.

Anyway, they are saying that should be it for huge storms.
I'm ready for Spring. I like what it represents.

Next week we "spring ahead". I love that too.

Spring provides HOPE. It's the time when things that have been dormant in nature start coming back to life. The trees, the flowers, the grass. The birds come back. I start to see my neighbors outside more. Spring is the perfect time for us to look for HOPE and renew ourselves.

Having these snow days has given me a lot of time to reflect and think about what I want for my spring renewal. I'm still working on it, and will post again soon with what I came up with. I hope I'll be able to help you find HOPE in this time of spring renewal too.

#Findyourjoy

Do you have a community?

Community. Do you have one?

I do, and they are incredible!

I had a bad week last week. Usually in these moments I would reach out to my community, but last week just hit me so hard that I didn't reach out.
However, my community knew I needed them. They reached out to me.
Some knew of my struggles last week, but many did not.

What did this show me?
That I need to reach out as often as possible to people in my community because you never know what they might be going through. They may not reach out. Even the ones that are usually transparent.

It doesn't have to be a big deal to reach out. Just send a card, a quick note, a text, a phone call. Even those you don't know who you see out and about town. Offer a smile, a wave, hold a door open.

Be present in the moment and not worrying about 10 minutes from now. I don't do being in the present very well, it's something I constantly work on. By focusing on those around me though, that helps keeps me in the present moment.

Back to question at the top. Do you have a community?
You might and not even know you do.
If you don't, find one.
Join a club, join a church, take an adult education class, get a few friends together you haven't seen in awhile and have a potluck dinner, play a board game, grab some girlfriends together and go to a paint night.
We live busy lives, it doesn't have to happen every week, but once a month or every couple of months. Just make the commitment to do it. Your community will build!

Thank you to my community for helping me out last week, I'm overwhelmed at your love and generosity!

#Findyourjoy

Are there big and little joys?

Are Joys Joys? or are there big joys and little joys? Does it matter?

These are a few of the things I have been wrestling with lately. I think these are things we all wrestle with when it comes to finding joy.

Are there levels to joys? The big ones being something like engagements, marriage, pregnancies, births, retirement, a new house etc.

And small joys like I slept well last night, I had a productive day at work, I didn't fight with my spouse, I had a nice dinner etc.

If we are qualifying joys then do these levels of joys add up? Are there a certain amount of joys before a person really "feels" joy?

I'm wrestling with this because I am starting to feel the need for  a "big" joy to happen in my life. I'm feeling stuck. I do see the little joys, but there are a lot of big joys happening around me right now and I want one.

I know people will look at this and tell me "well, your big joy was beating cancer, Mark's stroke not taking his life". All of that is true, but these are joys that come from something bad NOT happening. I feel like my big joys are only those kind of joys. The kind where Mark or I have escaped something bad, so it should count as a joy.

I'm not talking about that though, I'm talking about the joy that comes from a dream or a goal being realized. Something really big. I want that kind of joy. I feel like I need that kind of joy to happen so I feel like I am really moving through life toward something, not just trying to survive day by day.

Lately I have felt like I am just surviving. I'm just surviving at home, I'm just surviving at work, and I'm just surviving personally.

It takes a lot to admit something like that. It's hard to see people I love and cherish get big joys, and I am truly happy for them, but honestly I want one too. Then I beat myself up for being selfish.
I don't want to just survive anymore, I want to be in a place where I am thriving. I want to be in a position where someone sees me and thinks" Wow, what a great thing has happened for her" instead of " I'm so sorry you are going through all of this but you are handling it so well."  I'd like a day, one care-free day where I don't have to "handle" stuff.

Deep down, I know that is impossible. We all go through stuff. There are people going through way worse stuff than me. Then I think about that and feel selfish again.

I just needed to get my feelings out because well, keeping them bottled up inside is not a good thing at all.

So, to answer my own question.... Joys are joys I think. I am the one that puts the qualifier on whether the joy is big or small.  I could not have joy at all, and then where would i be? so, I'll take any joy I can get big or small because at least i have joys and that will get me to the next joy and so on and so forth.

I don't regret the things that have brought me here... they do stink, but it is part of my journey. A journey that was designed for me.

It has taken me three days to write this post. Just last night I received a private Facebook message from a former student. She wanted to know the name of a song I had taught about in 8th grade general music. She loved the song and wanted to listen to it. Yesterday two people I hadn't heard from in years reached out to me. These random acts caused me to realize that even when I don't know I need my community, they're right there with me.
I'm finding joy today much easier than the last three and that's ok. That's ok.
#Findyourjoy

Struggle or Challenge

This week was ROUGH! I had a lot of neuropathy pain, but even more than that school was difficult to say the least. I know that it wasn't just the situation that caused the bad week, it was also my mindset(or not being able to get out of a poor mindset). Because my mindset was part of the problem, I turned a week that should have been a challenge into a week that was a struggle and that stinks!
I missed opportunities to think and overcome those challenges because I was too busy moaning and groaning.

I'm sure my colleagues were super sick of me this week, and if you are one of those people and are reading this"I'm sorry".  I know I owe a HUGE THANK YOU to my closest colleagues(you know who you are), and my husband for not kicking me out of the office or the house!

So, I have the weekend to re-center and get it right this week.  Danielle and Yoga helped this week, but I was so off from center that it is going to take a lot of work to get back towards center. I was super mad that I let myself get this far from center, but I can't dwell on that and need to get moving.

My bible study girls helped a lot on Monday (I could have used them everyday)

Deb and Donna.... I love you both and I owe you a TON of baked goods and flowers!

My music department peeps. Sharing an office with you is amazing and I feel a sense of calm in my chaotic world when we are all in there laughing and talking! We need soup!

So.... I work on myself this weekend by doing things that bring me joy (I'll let you know how the weekend panned out in the next post) so I can go into this last week of school before the break with a better mindset.

I know that things might not go smoothly, but this week I am determined to make any roadblocks that might come up a challenge and not a struggle.

A struggle brings ME down, and a challenge makes me RISE UP AND SOLVE!

#Findyourjoy

Anniversaries

This last week was the 4 year anniversary of the day I started Chemo for breast cancer. I am happily cancer free today.
This diagnosis of breast cancer, the subsequent treatment, the medical issues that arose during and after treatment, and Mark's medical issues only 6 months after completely finishing treatment is what set me on this #Findyourjoy journey.

Anniversaries are for celebrating. Do I celebrate this anniversary? HECK YES!
How can you celebrate something that seems so devastating? so life-altering?
I celebrate, because it is my story.... it is what makes me the Kim you know today.

I have looked for the opportunity in this journey, and I see it everyday.
I see it in.....

• the decisions I have made to keep my life in balance
• discovering yoga and it's benefits to me physically and emotionally 
• the opportunities to tell my story and help people
• the way I handle my relationships with those close to me
• the amazing people that have been brought into my life because of this journey
• the strength I have to get up and make the most of my day

So celebrate those anniversaries. The happy ones, the sad ones, and the life-changing ones. It has made you who you are today.

#Findyourjoy