New Semester....... New Mindset?

 Can I do it? The new semester starts Monday. This means I get a brand new 1/4 of the school. I'm not thoroughly happy how first semester went. Donna and I see A LOT of kids. These kids have more needs than ever. Compound that with everything teachers are facing these days and it was rough. Not my best semester of teaching at all. 

I don't want sympathy or pity, I want change. I guess that will have to come from me because it's not coming from anywhere else. School districts are paralyzed basically. We are the middle man in this fight, but many do not understand that. The kids have changed. Unfortunately, they see their parents disrespecting local leaders and they then feel it's okay for them to do the same. That's the biggest issue I deal with on a daily basis. 

What happened to kindness, compassion, understanding? How do I make sure I am exhibiting those qualities without feeling walked all over? It's my most pressing question right now.

I'm tired. I don't like being what I think is a bad teacher or a teacher in survival mode. I can't "simply make it" through the day anymore. 

Hopefully this semester change will ignite a fire in me. One day at a time. And purposefully finding the joys in those days will help.

Have a great week, and I hope you can #findyourjoy

Clarity Update

 To be honest, I haven’t de-cluttered a thing this week. I was really upset at myself for it. Then I had to step back and give myself some grace. It was a rough week. Taking care of myself comes first and the rest will follow. Besides, I am clearing things out for me, not for anyone else. Therefore, if I need rest, I rest. When I’m supposed to de-clutter, I de-clutter. I don’t win a trophy if I clear things out faster or if I clear out the most stuff. I’m not in competition with anyone or anything. The pace of this journey is mine and whatever pace it is is just fine. 

So, your journey and your goals are your own. Do them in your time. If you need to adjust them along the way, do that too. It’s okay. 

This week, I hope you can do what you need to do in the time you are to do it, and as always, I hope you can #findyourjoy

Beginnings

 What if we only looked at things as a "beginning" and not an "end"?

There are a lot of things that we can lament over because they seem like an ending or a closure to something. It seems sad most of the time. But beginning something, that seems exciting and positive. 

For instance, I went to a wedding this weekend. A new beginning for this young couple. They are in love and excited for their future together. It wasn't an ending for their single lives, but a beginning for their new life together. 

When someone passes away, we will mourn them and it seems like an ending, but if they were in pain on this earth, then their death is a new beginning for them without pain and suffering. 

When we transition to a new home or a new job there is and ending with saying goodbye to co-workers or a place where you have so many memories, but there is anticipation and excitement with a new beginning in a house or job.

I've been thinking about my cancer journey within the last 24 hours A LOT. I had two friends who had lumpectomies the same week just before Christmas. They both anticipated only having to have radiation. One of them found out this week she'd have to have chemo. She now has a new set of things to wrap her head around. 

It made me think about my journey. She was talking about losing her hair. It made me think about that part of my chemo journey. I was okay with shaving my head. I looked at it as a badge of honor in my fight. I never wanted people to look at me and feel sorry. Most didn't. It was a new beginning for me. It worked out well, seeing I felt so tired most of the time and now my showers were quicker! I honestly felt that way.

Then after all of my treatment was over, and my hair started coming back, I kept cutting it short. For a long time. The summer of 2019 Mark asked me why I kept cutting it short and if I would let it grow. He basically challenged me. I can't walk away from that challenge, so I let it grow. 

In the last 24 hours I've been thinking as to why I wouldn't grow it at first and why now. I finally figured it out. 

I was afraid. I was afraid to let it grow for fear I might not be done with cancer and chemo. If I kept my hair short and the cancer came back, it wouldn't be such a big deal to lose it again. I had to feel like I was at the end of my cancer journey. 

I will always have that journey and the wonderful things it taught me, but it has ended, and now here is to more new beginnings!

Living in the Moment of Today

 I sat here this morning, feeling like I had been back to school for 4 weeks when in reality I had only been back a week. This is hard. Really hard. Part of what is making it hard is having kids in school and out of school for larger chunks of time. It's like we're in a constant state of "waiting for the other shoe to drop", and we don't know where the tipping point is. 

I've seen so many people leaving the profession, and believe me, the thought has crossed my mind, but then I remember that I have walked through much worse. Maybe it's because I'm older now, or because I have walked through so much.... but I'm tired. Very tired. 

I need to prioritize myself. So I will. Don't be offended if you ask me to do something, and I say "no". It's not personal. It's me prioritizing me. 

My neuropathy is kicking into gear. This weather doesn't help. It's the constant change in the weather. I wish it would pick a temperature and stick to it. So, I prioritize. I rest. My house may show it, but I will clean later. 

Mark and I had a day date and while we were driving he was talking about my word for the year... CLARITY.

He had been to two bible studies this week that also targeted in on the word clarity. He is excited that this happened and I think we are both on a clarity journey this year. He also said some of the discussion centered around not worrying about the future and not living in the past, but living in the moment and doing the best we can. If we are constantly looking forward or backward, we will not be able to find clarity in today.

Good advice I think. Hard to do, but it's worth striving for. So, I don't worry about tomorrow or this week, but worry about today. Today, I rest. That is all I have to do. 

Have a great week and I hope you can #findyourjoy