Beginnings

 What if we only looked at things as a "beginning" and not an "end"?

There are a lot of things that we can lament over because they seem like an ending or a closure to something. It seems sad most of the time. But beginning something, that seems exciting and positive. 

For instance, I went to a wedding this weekend. A new beginning for this young couple. They are in love and excited for their future together. It wasn't an ending for their single lives, but a beginning for their new life together. 

When someone passes away, we will mourn them and it seems like an ending, but if they were in pain on this earth, then their death is a new beginning for them without pain and suffering. 

When we transition to a new home or a new job there is and ending with saying goodbye to co-workers or a place where you have so many memories, but there is anticipation and excitement with a new beginning in a house or job.

I've been thinking about my cancer journey within the last 24 hours A LOT. I had two friends who had lumpectomies the same week just before Christmas. They both anticipated only having to have radiation. One of them found out this week she'd have to have chemo. She now has a new set of things to wrap her head around. 

It made me think about my journey. She was talking about losing her hair. It made me think about that part of my chemo journey. I was okay with shaving my head. I looked at it as a badge of honor in my fight. I never wanted people to look at me and feel sorry. Most didn't. It was a new beginning for me. It worked out well, seeing I felt so tired most of the time and now my showers were quicker! I honestly felt that way.

Then after all of my treatment was over, and my hair started coming back, I kept cutting it short. For a long time. The summer of 2019 Mark asked me why I kept cutting it short and if I would let it grow. He basically challenged me. I can't walk away from that challenge, so I let it grow. 

In the last 24 hours I've been thinking as to why I wouldn't grow it at first and why now. I finally figured it out. 

I was afraid. I was afraid to let it grow for fear I might not be done with cancer and chemo. If I kept my hair short and the cancer came back, it wouldn't be such a big deal to lose it again. I had to feel like I was at the end of my cancer journey. 

I will always have that journey and the wonderful things it taught me, but it has ended, and now here is to more new beginnings!