Quiet Again

Nate has left to head back to Connecticut, and Paige and Jared will be leaving in the hour. My house will be quiet again. In a lot of ways back to normal. I loved having them home and cannot wait to have them all here again in a few weeks. A lot will happen between now and then. I will hear back regarding my genetic testing, I will have surgery, and I will know whether or not the cancer is in my lymph nodes. It's a lot to digest, but I relish in the fun time we had this weekend and looking toward Christmas and more memories.

Happy Thanksgiving

It is a weird Thanksgiving here. It's 7am, I'm up watching the news and doing a little online shopping. The dog's been fed and out, Mark is sleeping still. That's all normal, but the kids aren't here. That's the weird part. Neither kid is home for Thanksgiving. The first time ever. Things are really changing around here and that's alright. I understand it is a part of raising the kids and sending them out to live their lives. It's just weird. I won't be watching the parade with them. Speaking of the parade, it always reminds me of the two consecutive years we spent in NYC for the parade. The two years the kids performed in the parade. It was fun, but I kind of like sitting in my pajamas with a cup of tea on my couch watching it in HD! So, I am thankful. Even on this weird newness of my Thanksgiving Day. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a warm house to sit in, I have hot tea to drink, I have the ability to begin my Christmas shopping, I will talk to both kids today, I will have a bountiful meal today with my mom and dad and then go see Mark's family. I am blessed beyond measure. I give thanks today. I have an interesting road to start between now and Christmas, but today, I relish in the many blessings I have and will continue to have throughout this season.

Gifts

Today started out as an ordinary day for me. I had school from 12-7 due to parent/teacher conferences, and the music department was doing pie pick-ups. However, the day turned out to be extraordinary. I received so many gifts out of the blue today, all of which touched my heart deeply. The first was hanging from my mailbox at school. It was a large bag with a prayer shawl that had been hand knit. With it came a beautiful note of encouragement. About a half an hour later, I was delivered flowers to school. Also with a wonderful note reminding me of how beautiful I am. Next came a gift of a cookbook for people going through cancer and some homemade salsa from a student and their family. When I got home, a package had been delivered with foot massaging cream and the coziest socks I have ever felt along with a note to remind me to pamper myself.
I am overwhelmed by these tangible outpourings of love, and am constantly reminded of all of the people who are praying for me, and thinking of me everyday. As parents of my students were coming in to pick up pies, many of them stopped to tell me they were thinking of me daily and how their kids were concerned about me but knew how strong I am and that I will be just fine.
Thank You to everyone who is sending prayers and thoughts my way.

Thanksgiving week

I really have a lot to be thankful for this week. I have a loving husband, two awesome children(plus an almost son-in-law who is awesome as well), the best parents a person could ask for, and friends and family who are the most caring people I know. I am choosing thankfulness and happiness through this minor bump in the road. I was really happy that 102.5 started their Christmas music this week. I saw all of the posts on face book and how some people like it and others don't and my students in homeroom have to listen to it in the morning(they were quite vocal about it, but obliged!). Christmas music makes me happy, so I listen to it even before Thanksgiving. I am thankful this year that the cancer was found early, but that is because I am privileged to have a job where yearly screenings are part of our days that we are allowed to take off from work. I am fortunate that my husband carries our insurance and it covers the cost of yearly screenings. I will be able to financially handle the appointments and treatments as well as have the days available to me to do the treatments and doctors visits. I am blessed beyond belief. So, I encourage you to look at your circumstances this week and find the positive in them even if it is just hearing Christmas music that makes you smile. Choose Thankfulness!

My weekend

I am still in wait mode, but had an amazing weekend. Paige came home on Thursday and stayed through Sunday. It was great to talk, watch a movie, shop, and just spend time with her. I also spoke to Nate on Sunday for a half an hour. I miss them both so much. The highlight of my weekend however was performing Rhapsody in Blue with the Pioneer Community Band. I played the piano part which required a bit of practice and did keep my mind off of things for a little while. The piece received a standing ovation and it was so much fun. Thank you Jared Burch for asking me to play and to the members of the band for allowing me to play. Now that the concert is finished, I only have my comp re-writes to do while I wait for surgery. I'm hoping they can get me in sooner as at this moment I feel physically and mentally ready to start this challenge(and that may only last for a little time). I have more good days than bad, I am sleeping better and ready to tackle this thing head on. I know I will have a great story at the end. Thank You to everyone who has sent me words of encouragement, cards, and I received a fuzzy blanket today in my favorite color. It was so thoughtful and will come in handy! I will let you know if my surgery date changes!

Curveballs

Having cancer and thinking I wouldn't have any curveballs thrown at me....Ha, what was I thinking! Not all are bad, and even if they seem bad at first they don't always end up being bad. Well, I'm feeling a little better these days about the whole thing, as well as you can feel I guess. I am sleeping a bit better and on a more regular basis so that is helping. Every time I go to the doctor I hear a bit more news about my cancer and surgery and possible treatment procedures. So now instead of trying to guess what will be, I listen, take it in, and determine how to deal with it. Putting myself first is hard along with not worrying about how everyone in my family is dealing with my cancer. It's the mom in me. Genetic testing is done, so now I wait for surgery and wait for the testing. In the meantime, I am concentrating on taking care of myself. Eating well, getting in a walk outside, and pampering myself too. I have control over those things, and that gives me the most peace.

Strong and weak

The dictionary has many definitions of the word strong. I have been grappling this week as to how strong I am or how weak I am.  To have strength is to have courage by one of the definitions, and that is the one I hold to. I am not physically or emotionally strong right now, but I can strive to have courage.
On the other side, to be weak is to be fragile. I am fragile right now. Luckily I have a multitude of friends and family who are my "bubble wrap". They are protecting my fragility. I will be forever in their debt. So I am strong, and I am weak, and that's okay. I accept it.

So, here's an update. I went to the surgeon on Wednesday. I learned a few new things. The cancer is invasive(not so good), but I am late stage 1 early stage 2 (not so bad). I cannot receive hormone therapy as I am estrogen receptor negative (could be okay, could not). All that means is my treatment options are a little more limited for the oncologists. I am having genetic testing done as the doctor says I am young and it would be a good idea. That testing takes a month for the results. The testing happens this Monday so my surgery has been scheduled for December 14th. Currently I am slated for a lumpectomy and they will take 3 lymph nodes to test them as well. If the genetic testing comes back positive(which is a slim chance)(Yay!) then I will meet with the surgeon to talk about surgery again and if I wish to keep the same course of action.

If you are a praying person, please pray for me to be able to sleep at night. I want to be as rested and healthy as possible going into this and have not been sleeping very well at all. Most importantly, Thank you for reading my blog. It is therapeutic for me. Even if I see you just hit the like button, I look and know it was you and you care and that gives me a lot of comfort.

Still waiting....

Hurry up and wait. It has been a month since I went to have my routine mammogram and all of this craziness started. I have had my ups and downs, my crying moments, scared moments, but have also have had moments of sheer happiness that have taken my mind off of things for awhile. This weekend was one of those moments. My baby girl turned 21 on Friday and Mark and I met her and Jared out for dinner. We had a great time! Saturday we went to the mall to purchase a new computer so I can finish up my doctoral work without the fear of our old computer calling it quits half way through my dissertation! On Sunday we went to Rochester with my mom and dad as well as Mark's mom and dad to have dinner with Paige and Jared and Jared's parents. We were celebrating both kids birthdays. Their wedding anniversary will be October 28th, Paige's bday October 30th and Jared's bday October 31! Good planning on their part! Jared's mom and dad invited us all back to their house for dessert. By the time I got home yesterday, I was exhausted so I finished up the laundry, sent a few emails, soaked in the hot tub and fell blissfully asleep. So, even in the midst of waiting, I am finding peace. I am finding joy. I am moving forward. I see the surgeon on Wednesday, so hopefully I will have an update and these feelings will continue.