Getting back to normal

I'm heading back to work on Tuesday! I'm feeling ready physically and mentally. I know I have to take it easy, and I will. I'm getting bored at home and I think I'm beginning to cramp Mark's style!

I feel like this time at home recovering from my hysterectomy has provided a few things for me.
First, this has been the hardest surgical recovery I've ever had, but last night Mark said to me that he thought I have handled it the best out of any surgery I've recovered from.  That made me so happy at the progress I've made within myself.  So much of recoveries are not only physical, but mental as well.  I've come a long way dealing with the emotional and mental aspect. 
I haven't been able to begin practicing yoga fully, but the things I've learned from the short time I have been practicing is amazing.  I truly believe this has helped in my recovery physically and mentally. 

I learned to breathe.  I learned how to stop..... concentrate on a slow, low deep breath...... I used this as I was feeling anxious about going into the surgical suite all the way to this morning(over 5 weeks later) just trying to start my day. 
Breathing and concentrating on your breath is so helpful.  I literally have been taken off of one of my two blood pressure medications since starting my yoga lessons!  Many of the nurses I have encountered through this are amazed at my blood pressure given my history. Some have asked, and I tell them Yoga!

Physically, a hysterectomy(especially going through the abdominal wall) is tough.  I have laproscopic incisions as well as a 6 inch incision on my abdomen.  Now, I never had a 6 pack before, so having your abdominal muscles cut and having to heal is tough.  I never really realized how important those muscles are on a daily basis....but I feel them now!! Yoga has helped me from the beginning of recovery just being able to maneuver without extreme pain. If it hurt, I stopped and breathed my way through it!  After I saw my surgeon, she said I could begin a light practice when I felt ready.  I have to strengthen my pelvic floor as a must after this surgery, and yoga is a great way to do that. I've been doing some light exercises laying flat in bed in the morning and evening.  Soon, I will go back to yoga lessons.  The beauty is... I can start with seated yoga poses, and work my way up to other poses from the floor and standing.

I love my yoga coach Danielle! I take from her privately once a week. She tailors my practice with her to how I am feeling and she is so intuitive and perceptive by just watching me to know what to do next. 

If this is something you'd like to explore please contact me and I'll tell you more about her and her studio!

Anyway..... I'm here, I'm whole, I'm feeling better physically and mentally than I have in a long time, and I am ready to get back to my routine.  I miss my colleagues, my students, and my job(which by the way is the best profession in the world!)

My cup is full of Joy, and even if someone knocks into it and it spills....JOY will spill out because I have a lot to be thankful for!

Grace

As an educator, I know, and fully believe that we need to meet students where they are.  Yes, this is difficult in the age of mandated testing etc., but I can  control what happens in my classroom. So, if this is something I fundamentally believe in, meeting people where they are, and walking along beside to help them become the best person they can, I have one question.  Can I meet myself where I am? Can I really? Can I allow myself some grace?

We do so much for others, but do we exhibit the same to ourselves? I don't think I do as well as I should. If I'm focused on others, I don't have to be focused on myself. Looking at yourself is scary, the flaws, the "wish I would haves", the "wish I could haves"...... but we should be able to show ourselves a little grace and like ourselves.

A very interesting conversation with a wise person whom I admire deeply said to me yesterday... "Stop looking in the past, I don't, it would really depress me to look at the mistakes I made. Just know that those things in your past made you who you are today, learn from them and go forward.  The things that have happened to you in the past 4 years are just a small part of your journey, they made you who you are. Learn and move forward." 

How do we extend grace to ourselves? I'm not quite sure on this one, as I'm just learning it myself.  I think prayer and meditation is a good start.  Being able to feel all feelings good and bad.  Remembering the good, acknowledging the bad and moving it on its way is a start.  A start.... a daunting start maybe. I have some anger from the past 4 years and all that has happened in my life.  I need to acknowledge it and send it on its way.  I can't imagine what life will be like after I can accomplish that, but I know I won't be dwelling on the "why did this happen, and can this year be without crazy trauma?

So.... I embark on a journey, a journey of showing myself grace.  I do a fairly good job of it with others, so why not try it on myself. 

Join me.... show yourself some grace today.  I'll be posting on my journey and things I'm doing to help me.

Fear

Fear can paralyze a person, but if we face the fear, push it away, and replace it with something else like Joy, we can deal with it. That is where I am right now. Pushing the fear aside and finding my joy again. The joy deep within me where the fear was.
See, fear isn't a surface feeling. We can have a sudden surface fear like when we are in a haunted house and get scared by something. It's temporary. Deep fear is something that is always there looming in the background where it can pull and tug at you and in many cases other people have no idea that fear is there.
I'm exposing my fear, acknowledging it, sending it on its way, and replacing it with Joy.
See, my fear is this cancer and all it has brought to me will never be eradicated. It seems like I had a lot of complications at every turn. I know I am so much luckier than many, but this is a deep seeded fear. It caused a panic attack which was scary.
Yesterday I posted something that came to me through facebook. It was about spilling what was in your cup. You eventually will be in a situation where your full cup will spill.  What is in your cup? Fear, anger, and resentment....or Joy, happiness, and love.
You can put into your cup what you want. It's YOUR cup! You don't always have control of what bumps into your cup and causes it to spill, but you do have control of what spills out.

So I am not filling my cup with fear....I'm going to fill it with Joy. Not an easy task but that is why we have God, friends, and family. They help us fill our cup.

What is your cup filled with?