Time for Honesty

I haven't written here in quite a while. I have many posts ready to go, but I couldn't push the publish button. I needed to evaluate why.

Was it time to stop this blog?

Was it time for just a little break?

Was I not finding my joy so felt I couldn't or shouldn't write about it?


All three things crossed my mind many times. Then it hit me.....

How can I talk about finding my joy in this chaos without seeming like I'm gloating about the good things in my life when there are people suffering during this pandemic.

I was really hung up on this.

I'm a little hesitant to write this now, but feel like I've always been honest and I should be honest now.

I think I'm nervous because I may lose some readers from this. When you are sick(like I was with cancer) people take your honesty better because there is a sense of sorry for what the person is going through.
Well, I'm not sick. Am I facing some challenges?...Yes, but not the challenges some people are facing.

I feel content and ok with the last few months. I have learned a lot. A lot about myself, a lot about Mark's struggles, and a lot about humankind.

First, What I've learned about me.


I have always known how blessed I am. I have food, shelter, companionship, and feel safe. This pandemic has opened my eyes to continue to feel blessed, and to help others find blessings.
Teaching online was quite an experience, but it was ok. Sure, it's not ideal, but it was doable. I am an educator..... I teach.....I learn.  I had to learn how to navigate online learning. I had to re-create lessons to go online. To use the tools I had to engage students. Was I good at it? Not too bad. Do I have a lot to learn....YES! So, I learn. If I refuse to, then shame on me. I shouldn't be a teacher who stops learning but wants her kids to continue to learn.

I felt guilty about Mark receding his disability award during the pandemic. So many are hurting financially and we just received some breathing room.
See, we paired down when this happened. We had been caught up in the American ideal.... cable, cars, wifi, latest phones etc.
Then.... BAM down to one paycheck. We went down to one car, cut the cable(kept the wifi), went on a very strict budget. It was tight. I didn't want to re-finance the house because I have it almost paid off! I don't need all of the extras.
Still.... I did incur some credit card debt that was hard to chip at with our budget. Now I'm working at getting that gone, and we have some breathing room for emergencies. I still don't need the extras.

Being able to be content is the best thing ever. It doesn't mean to be lazy, but to be in a state of peaceful happiness. I am, most of the time, and when I'm not, I have beautiful friends and family to remind me to get there!




next....Mark. He has a lot going on.