Here are some thoughts I have as I am preparing for stage two of my journey. I am a planner, and I like to have a plan for every scenario. Some people think that is crazy, but it actually gives me comfort. So, I have two things I want to do. Number one, I want to grow out my hair. If I start now, I start now, if I have chemo and lose it, I start then, but I have a goal to grow my hair out and be able to donate it. It is a tangible thing I can do. Paige said she would do it with me and I can't wait.
Second, I want to de-clutter. I have been doing a lot of reading on how to eliminate stress(which I want to be as stress free as possible in stage two of my journey), and many people feel that living simply is a way to do it. I have some very close friends doing this as well. I plan to take the year to do it by choosing a room a month and totally de-cluttering that area. Above all, I need to make sure that everything I do has purpose, it has to absolutely be good for me. 2016 is the year of Kim. As selfish as that sounds, its what will have to be. I need to focus on me, and this 2nd stage of my journey.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Monday, December 21, 2015
Quick Update
I talked to my surgeon today. He wanted to know how I was doing. I told him I went back to work and did great. It was awesome to get back to school to see my kids and colleagues. He also had the pathology report. It was good! He said the tissue he took out came back with clean margins, so he got all of the cancerous tumor! Also, the lymph nodes came back negative! He was very pleased with the report. He said the tumor was 3.5 centimeters and that puts me at stage 2. I see him on the 4th and then he told me to be ready for moving on to the oncologist. He didn't want to wager a firm guess, but said that given the rest of the particulars of the tumor, and my age, I will most likely have radiation and possibly a little chemo. I had already prepared myself for that because every doctor had said that from the reports on the initial biopsy. So.... I have information, and can just enjoy the rest of this week with my friends and family, enjoy the New Year, continue to rest and heal from surgery, and start this fight again after the 4th! Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Surgery
So, I am 6 days post surgery and still really sore. I knew I would be, but not in the places I am sore. For the most part, surgery went well. I arrived at the hospital around 6:30, registered and immediately taken to a pre-op room. From there I had to have dye injected into the lymph node area so the doctor could see the sentinal lymph nodes he was taking. Boy did that sting. The radiologist apologized ahead of time before he inserted the dye. Then I went up to mammography where the same radiologist inserted a guide wire for the surgeon so he would be able to make a clean cut of the tissue surrounding the tumor. The radiologist apologized again! I told him he has a heck of a job if he has to constantly apologize all day! Then I went back to my pre op room and waited. Dr. Peyser came to see me, and at 11:00 I went to surgery. I remember getting onto the table and that is it. When I woke, I was in recovery. I had been there 4 hours as I didn't wake up very fast from the anesthesia. My throat was so sore I could barely swallow. Finally at around 5:30, I was headed home. I climbed into bed, and Mark and Paige ordered me some soup for dinner. It got there just in time to have the power go out in the entire village! So, we ate by candlelight and cell phone light. I slept really well that night! I'm going back to work Monday, and can't wait. It's the last three days before break so it should be fairly easy. I may know Monday in regards to the pathology reports. I can't say enough about the staff at Millard Fillmore Suburban, they were all so wonderful.
Friday, December 11, 2015
Amazingly Blessed
I am amazingly blessed for so many reasons. Within hours of posting my new hairdo with the pink streak, I received over 40 comments and over 200 likes. I was astounded. I feel all of the positive energy and prayers coming my way. I got many hugs from my colleagues and students as I left today. One student asked me if I was scared. I told him I wasn't scared, but I am a little nervous. I'm not scared because my doctor is awesome. He was happy with that answer. I am not scared of surgery. I've waited for surgery for what seems like forever. Now that it is here, I'm nervous about the next step(that's me always thinking ahead!). Surgery is Monday at 10:30, so send those thoughts and prayers please. I have a great weekend planned. Annie at Sheas on Saturday with Mark and my mom and dad, Sunday Paige comes home and I'm going to go finish a little Christmas shopping. I'll blog (or have Paige help me) on Monday(maybe), or Tuesday. Thank You all so much for reading and listening to me, it has made such a difference in my coping with this.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Update
Sorry it took me so long to post. I received my genetic testing back and everything is negative!!!! They still don't know why I got breast cancer, but it wasn't genetic. I am preparing for surgery on the 14th and have a lot to do. I need to get a few things done around home like the tree up, Christmas gifts finished, some freezer meals made, and some cleaning done. I also have to get my comps that have to have sections re-written finished as well. I have to be a copy maniac at school so things are ready for the sub. I did take time for myself though and got a raindrop massage yesterday from my dear friend Julie. If you want details on raindrop and Julie's practice, message me. I also have a hair appointment this week so I look good after surgery! Even if I don't feel good, my hair will look great! No, I anticipate an easy procedure and a speedy recovery. Paige will be home and will be a huge help. So, I may not update until surgery day, but so far, I'm keeping it all together....oh....and sleeping very well and very sound, thanks to a new regimen of essential oils. Have a great weekend everyone!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Quiet Again
Nate has left to head back to Connecticut, and Paige and Jared will be leaving in the hour. My house will be quiet again. In a lot of ways back to normal. I loved having them home and cannot wait to have them all here again in a few weeks. A lot will happen between now and then. I will hear back regarding my genetic testing, I will have surgery, and I will know whether or not the cancer is in my lymph nodes. It's a lot to digest, but I relish in the fun time we had this weekend and looking toward Christmas and more memories.
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Happy Thanksgiving
It is a weird Thanksgiving here. It's 7am, I'm up watching the news and doing a little online shopping. The dog's been fed and out, Mark is sleeping still. That's all normal, but the kids aren't here. That's the weird part. Neither kid is home for Thanksgiving. The first time ever. Things are really changing around here and that's alright. I understand it is a part of raising the kids and sending them out to live their lives. It's just weird. I won't be watching the parade with them. Speaking of the parade, it always reminds me of the two consecutive years we spent in NYC for the parade. The two years the kids performed in the parade. It was fun, but I kind of like sitting in my pajamas with a cup of tea on my couch watching it in HD! So, I am thankful. Even on this weird newness of my Thanksgiving Day. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a warm house to sit in, I have hot tea to drink, I have the ability to begin my Christmas shopping, I will talk to both kids today, I will have a bountiful meal today with my mom and dad and then go see Mark's family. I am blessed beyond measure. I give thanks today. I have an interesting road to start between now and Christmas, but today, I relish in the many blessings I have and will continue to have throughout this season.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Gifts
Today started out as an ordinary day for me. I had school from 12-7 due to parent/teacher conferences, and the music department was doing pie pick-ups. However, the day turned out to be extraordinary. I received so many gifts out of the blue today, all of which touched my heart deeply. The first was hanging from my mailbox at school. It was a large bag with a prayer shawl that had been hand knit. With it came a beautiful note of encouragement. About a half an hour later, I was delivered flowers to school. Also with a wonderful note reminding me of how beautiful I am. Next came a gift of a cookbook for people going through cancer and some homemade salsa from a student and their family. When I got home, a package had been delivered with foot massaging cream and the coziest socks I have ever felt along with a note to remind me to pamper myself.
I am overwhelmed by these tangible outpourings of love, and am constantly reminded of all of the people who are praying for me, and thinking of me everyday. As parents of my students were coming in to pick up pies, many of them stopped to tell me they were thinking of me daily and how their kids were concerned about me but knew how strong I am and that I will be just fine.
Thank You to everyone who is sending prayers and thoughts my way.
I am overwhelmed by these tangible outpourings of love, and am constantly reminded of all of the people who are praying for me, and thinking of me everyday. As parents of my students were coming in to pick up pies, many of them stopped to tell me they were thinking of me daily and how their kids were concerned about me but knew how strong I am and that I will be just fine.
Thank You to everyone who is sending prayers and thoughts my way.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Thanksgiving week
I really have a lot to be thankful for this week. I have a loving husband, two awesome children(plus an almost son-in-law who is awesome as well), the best parents a person could ask for, and friends and family who are the most caring people I know. I am choosing thankfulness and happiness through this minor bump in the road. I was really happy that 102.5 started their Christmas music this week. I saw all of the posts on face book and how some people like it and others don't and my students in homeroom have to listen to it in the morning(they were quite vocal about it, but obliged!). Christmas music makes me happy, so I listen to it even before Thanksgiving. I am thankful this year that the cancer was found early, but that is because I am privileged to have a job where yearly screenings are part of our days that we are allowed to take off from work. I am fortunate that my husband carries our insurance and it covers the cost of yearly screenings. I will be able to financially handle the appointments and treatments as well as have the days available to me to do the treatments and doctors visits. I am blessed beyond belief. So, I encourage you to look at your circumstances this week and find the positive in them even if it is just hearing Christmas music that makes you smile. Choose Thankfulness!
Monday, November 16, 2015
My weekend
I am still in wait mode, but had an amazing weekend. Paige came home on Thursday and stayed through Sunday. It was great to talk, watch a movie, shop, and just spend time with her. I also spoke to Nate on Sunday for a half an hour. I miss them both so much. The highlight of my weekend however was performing Rhapsody in Blue with the Pioneer Community Band. I played the piano part which required a bit of practice and did keep my mind off of things for a little while. The piece received a standing ovation and it was so much fun. Thank you Jared Burch for asking me to play and to the members of the band for allowing me to play. Now that the concert is finished, I only have my comp re-writes to do while I wait for surgery. I'm hoping they can get me in sooner as at this moment I feel physically and mentally ready to start this challenge(and that may only last for a little time). I have more good days than bad, I am sleeping better and ready to tackle this thing head on. I know I will have a great story at the end. Thank You to everyone who has sent me words of encouragement, cards, and I received a fuzzy blanket today in my favorite color. It was so thoughtful and will come in handy! I will let you know if my surgery date changes!
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Curveballs
Having cancer and thinking I wouldn't have any curveballs thrown at me....Ha, what was I thinking! Not all are bad, and even if they seem bad at first they don't always end up being bad. Well, I'm feeling a little better these days about the whole thing, as well as you can feel I guess. I am sleeping a bit better and on a more regular basis so that is helping. Every time I go to the doctor I hear a bit more news about my cancer and surgery and possible treatment procedures. So now instead of trying to guess what will be, I listen, take it in, and determine how to deal with it. Putting myself first is hard along with not worrying about how everyone in my family is dealing with my cancer. It's the mom in me. Genetic testing is done, so now I wait for surgery and wait for the testing. In the meantime, I am concentrating on taking care of myself. Eating well, getting in a walk outside, and pampering myself too. I have control over those things, and that gives me the most peace.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Strong and weak
The dictionary has many definitions of the word strong. I have been grappling this week as to how strong I am or how weak I am. To have strength is to have courage by one of the definitions, and that is the one I hold to. I am not physically or emotionally strong right now, but I can strive to have courage.
On the other side, to be weak is to be fragile. I am fragile right now. Luckily I have a multitude of friends and family who are my "bubble wrap". They are protecting my fragility. I will be forever in their debt. So I am strong, and I am weak, and that's okay. I accept it.
So, here's an update. I went to the surgeon on Wednesday. I learned a few new things. The cancer is invasive(not so good), but I am late stage 1 early stage 2 (not so bad). I cannot receive hormone therapy as I am estrogen receptor negative (could be okay, could not). All that means is my treatment options are a little more limited for the oncologists. I am having genetic testing done as the doctor says I am young and it would be a good idea. That testing takes a month for the results. The testing happens this Monday so my surgery has been scheduled for December 14th. Currently I am slated for a lumpectomy and they will take 3 lymph nodes to test them as well. If the genetic testing comes back positive(which is a slim chance)(Yay!) then I will meet with the surgeon to talk about surgery again and if I wish to keep the same course of action.
If you are a praying person, please pray for me to be able to sleep at night. I want to be as rested and healthy as possible going into this and have not been sleeping very well at all. Most importantly, Thank you for reading my blog. It is therapeutic for me. Even if I see you just hit the like button, I look and know it was you and you care and that gives me a lot of comfort.
On the other side, to be weak is to be fragile. I am fragile right now. Luckily I have a multitude of friends and family who are my "bubble wrap". They are protecting my fragility. I will be forever in their debt. So I am strong, and I am weak, and that's okay. I accept it.
So, here's an update. I went to the surgeon on Wednesday. I learned a few new things. The cancer is invasive(not so good), but I am late stage 1 early stage 2 (not so bad). I cannot receive hormone therapy as I am estrogen receptor negative (could be okay, could not). All that means is my treatment options are a little more limited for the oncologists. I am having genetic testing done as the doctor says I am young and it would be a good idea. That testing takes a month for the results. The testing happens this Monday so my surgery has been scheduled for December 14th. Currently I am slated for a lumpectomy and they will take 3 lymph nodes to test them as well. If the genetic testing comes back positive(which is a slim chance)(Yay!) then I will meet with the surgeon to talk about surgery again and if I wish to keep the same course of action.
If you are a praying person, please pray for me to be able to sleep at night. I want to be as rested and healthy as possible going into this and have not been sleeping very well at all. Most importantly, Thank you for reading my blog. It is therapeutic for me. Even if I see you just hit the like button, I look and know it was you and you care and that gives me a lot of comfort.
Monday, November 2, 2015
Still waiting....
Hurry up and wait. It has been a month since I went to have my routine mammogram and all of this craziness started. I have had my ups and downs, my crying moments, scared moments, but have also have had moments of sheer happiness that have taken my mind off of things for awhile. This weekend was one of those moments. My baby girl turned 21 on Friday and Mark and I met her and Jared out for dinner. We had a great time! Saturday we went to the mall to purchase a new computer so I can finish up my doctoral work without the fear of our old computer calling it quits half way through my dissertation! On Sunday we went to Rochester with my mom and dad as well as Mark's mom and dad to have dinner with Paige and Jared and Jared's parents. We were celebrating both kids birthdays. Their wedding anniversary will be October 28th, Paige's bday October 30th and Jared's bday October 31! Good planning on their part! Jared's mom and dad invited us all back to their house for dessert. By the time I got home yesterday, I was exhausted so I finished up the laundry, sent a few emails, soaked in the hot tub and fell blissfully asleep. So, even in the midst of waiting, I am finding peace. I am finding joy. I am moving forward. I see the surgeon on Wednesday, so hopefully I will have an update and these feelings will continue.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Normal
Despite things being a little different these days, they are really all the same. I'm tired. I've never been a great sleeper, but lately it has been worse. I'm using essential oils and that helps. So, I nap when I need to. I write to clear my brain, and nap. It works for now. Other than that I'm busy with teaching school, going to school, and preparing for concerts. I keep at those things until they get disrupted. I do need to send a huge shout out to my colleagues though, they have been awesome at helping me keep my butt moving. so, for now, things are normal, after next week, we'll see.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Overwhelmed
I am completely overwhelmed at the outpouring I received on this blog. I knew I had a circle of friends who cared for me, but had no idea how wide that circle went. As each message came in I reflected on how I met each one of you and realized how blessed I am to have done the things I have done and met the people I have met. Thank You for all of your encouragement. As many of you said, I am strong, and I will beat this.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Cancer
I have breast cancer. Those are four words that can change everything. It makes you stop and take a good long look at your life. I have to say this now, because I have breast cancer. This blog is to chronicle my journey.On October 2, 2015 I went to get my annual mammogram done. All routine, I had the initial pictures done and decided to wait to make sure everything was okay. They returned and said the doctor wanted more films from each side because i have dense tissue. They took those and asked me to wait. About 10 minutes later, they came back out and told me the doctor wanted an ultrasound. Then my mind began to panic. after the ultrasound the doctor met with me, showed me what they found (a spot on my left breast) and decided to do a biopsy that day. I had the biopsy done and waiting began. I found out Wednesday October 7, 2015 that I had cancer and was scheduled for an MRI. The MRI happened on Saturday October 10, 2015. Those results indicated a spot on my right breast. I went back to have a MRI biopsy on October 14, 2015. That biopsy came back benign. So... I'm dealing with only a spot in the left breast. I am doing better as now I know what I'm dealing with and have an appointment with the surgeon on November 4th. So this is my new journey, my brush with cancer journey. I am a changed person, and will be changing throughout this process. This blog will be to update people on my progress and a way for me to release all that is going on in my brain.
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