Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
I get the first part. I know I need to forgive, but it's the second part I am struggling with. The part that says regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
This pandemic has everyone so crazed that there is so much hurt intentional and not intentional, that my head is spinning. Some people I could count on, I can't anymore.
I'm getting so I just want this over and to know what the lesson learned is in all of this.
Is it for me to be more forgiving? Have I not been? Was I not a forgiving person before March?
Do I hold grudges? Why can't I let things go? Do people who tell me to let things go do the same?
I don't know.
I have been wrestling with this for several days and nights.
I thought that maybe I need to forgive myself for something so I can forgive others. Someone told me that once. That if you are having trouble forgiving someone you should examine yourself because you probably have an issue in yourself somewhere you cannot forgive.
I don't know.
I've tried to forgive, but that resentment monster keeps rearing its ugly head. I hate what resentment does to me. It makes me not sleep, it makes me short-tempered, and it makes me physically sore.
I guess I pamper myself a little more, count my blessings, and find my joys as best I can.
Hopefully it'll all work itself out in time.
Again, I am not writing this to get pity from you(I have been accused of that too), but to get my feelings out, and if someone out there is struggling with the same thing, maybe the ideas I have shared with how I'm going to deal with this can help them too.
I'm just going to send love out and hope that I get love back.
#Findyourjoy
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