I had a hit the wall moment

Yesterday, I had a "hit the wall" moment. It was over a lot of things coming up. We have some events (that are still happening) that I'm uncomfortable with, and couple that with the school districts' meeting and creating re-opening plans..... I lost it yesterday. I cried....A LOT! 

It was a good release. I (unknowingly) had pent up these feelings of frustration and anger I have. I'm so tired of seeing people bash my profession on social media, bash what I believe is best for me and my husband right now, and just have lost respect for others.  People that have no idea of every individual's situation. I had had it. I had had it with being cordial, ignoring things on social media and the news, and had it with feeling physical soreness from not releasing my emotions. 

Mark was amazing. He just listened, let me cry, and held me. I finally felt safe, and could go on with my evening. 

 I write this not to gain pity, but to let you know that through all of that yesterday, I did find joy.

I found joy in the two individual video chats I did with 2 students taking summer school camp. They are going into 9th grade. We had amazing conversations about what they would like to do after High School, and what they need to do to get there. 

To the cynics- I am teaching. I am working every day. I'm teaching summer school, and making sure my curriculum (3 full curriculums, it would be 5 if my co-teacher and I didn't split things up) are ready to go online and in-person. I am paralleling my lessons to prepare for whatever happens. It looks different, but I am doing it. Both girls asked me what I thought would happen next year. I told them, I don't know. I also told them that I do know that the district is meeting, and working on many plans for many scenarios that follow the guidelines provided to them.  I told them that I have confidence that they will come up with plans that will take everyone in the buildings into account. I will be ready for whichever scenario happens. I will be nervous too. There are pluses and minuses to every scenario. I don't have control over much, but I do have control over being prepared for those scenarios. 

That's what I focus on today. What I have control over. I may lose some friends or have some family upset with me over this, but my biggest concern is myself, and Mark. That has to come first. 

What I will not do is publicly berate you for your choices, so don't berate me for mine. If you do, you may hear some things you don't want to, and possibly things I might regret saying. I am fragile after yesterday. I won't be this fragile forever.  Many are fragile right now, so just be careful. 

I should have taken care of myself a little better the last few days and I might not have hit that wall. Lesson learned. 

Take special care of yourself a little bit every day.

and

#Findyourjoy