So, the summer of me is going quite well. That's why I have been a little absent on social media. Anyway, my goal of "moving" everyday is going well. Are there some days it is very painful to move? Yes! But, I'm moving.
After going to Pittsburgh to visit some dear friends of ours, I decided it was time to start phase two of the summer of Kim- NUTRITION
Our friends are very conscious of what they eat, but it is all so delicious. I just ate, and watched, and thought. Now, we ate very healthy, but we also had cheesecake. MODERATION people!!!
So... I am being more purposeful with my choices and portions. Did I have an ice cream sandwich last night? Why yes I did! and that's ok!
Well, summer school is about to begin, it's day 4 and things are going alright.
Also, some other exciting things are in the works...but I need to finalize some things first, so look for some big announcements from the summer of Kim!
#Findyourjoy
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Monday, June 17, 2019
End of the school year
So, the end of the school year is upon us. I'm finishing my 23rd year at Pioneer and 27th year overall. I can't even believe that. So, as I look back at this year, I have two thoughts.
1. I learned a lot about myself
2. It was by far the hardest year I have had
These two things really go hand in hand.
I know some of you are thinking that the year I had cancer certainly must have been harder than this last one. The beginning of that year was, but the last half of the year I was home, concentrating on chemo and radiation, and not having to worry about school.
This year, I had a surgery I wasn't intending on having, complications with that surgery, all while dealing with Mark and his things going on. He had a rough winter, and his long term disability was stopped. We are still at least 14 months out from his permanent disability hearing. All of this and dealing with school.
Dealing was hard, really hard. Many days I felt helpless, wanted to throw in the towel and just cry.
I'm thankful to have Mark here..... it could have been a very different scenario that day. But.... his life changed that day, really changed, and so did mine. He's the same Mark, but not the same Mark. People try to tell me how good he is doing (and he is), but they don't see his private frustration. People all the time try to tell me how he must be feeling but they don't really know. They don't live with him.
We just celebrated our 29th wedding Anniversary over the weekend. I've known Mark for 33 years. I love him more today than yesterday and will love him more tomorrow than today.
We will weather this storm together, day by day.
I've learned that I can do this. I can feel all of these feelings. I can feel happy and content one day, and frustrated and sad the next. I can be super mad at the system, and I can be grateful for having a job that can support us both. I can feel lonely, and I can feel surrounded by friends. I can be content with less "things" or not being able to do the things we used to because Mark can't handle the situation.
I can... and I will..... One day at a time.... it's my only choice.
1. I learned a lot about myself
2. It was by far the hardest year I have had
These two things really go hand in hand.
I know some of you are thinking that the year I had cancer certainly must have been harder than this last one. The beginning of that year was, but the last half of the year I was home, concentrating on chemo and radiation, and not having to worry about school.
This year, I had a surgery I wasn't intending on having, complications with that surgery, all while dealing with Mark and his things going on. He had a rough winter, and his long term disability was stopped. We are still at least 14 months out from his permanent disability hearing. All of this and dealing with school.
Dealing was hard, really hard. Many days I felt helpless, wanted to throw in the towel and just cry.
I'm thankful to have Mark here..... it could have been a very different scenario that day. But.... his life changed that day, really changed, and so did mine. He's the same Mark, but not the same Mark. People try to tell me how good he is doing (and he is), but they don't see his private frustration. People all the time try to tell me how he must be feeling but they don't really know. They don't live with him.
We just celebrated our 29th wedding Anniversary over the weekend. I've known Mark for 33 years. I love him more today than yesterday and will love him more tomorrow than today.
We will weather this storm together, day by day.
I've learned that I can do this. I can feel all of these feelings. I can feel happy and content one day, and frustrated and sad the next. I can be super mad at the system, and I can be grateful for having a job that can support us both. I can feel lonely, and I can feel surrounded by friends. I can be content with less "things" or not being able to do the things we used to because Mark can't handle the situation.
I can... and I will..... One day at a time.... it's my only choice.
Saturday, June 1, 2019
Purpose
I often think about what my purpose is. I have(over my lifetime) assumed many roles. These roles have come and gone, overlapped with one another only to possibly transect each other again and a different point in my life. These roles have defined my purpose. That too has changed with the ever weaving tapestry of my roles.
So, these roles, what have they been or what are they now? Well, currently I think some of my roles are: wife, mom to adult children, daughter, friend, and teacher.
Wife- Merriam-Webster defines wife as a woman acting in a specified capacity. That "specified capacity" changes too. I'm a partner, a listener, a care-giver, and a confidant.
Mom(to adult children)- I've been this for awhile now. I like it.
Daughter- I'm fortunate to be able to live in the same town as my parents. I see them every Saturday for breakfast. There is stability and consistency there. I need that.
Friend- I have always struggled with this one. See, I don't think I'm a great friend. I'm nice and all, but I'm not one to go out with the girls or call, or make sure I connect. That's a problem.
Teacher- This takes up the majority of my time. I want to be a good teacher right up to the day I retire. Teaching is not only a physical job, but an emotional one as well. If you allow yourself to receive the "heart pay" teaching provides, then you have to give that heart into teaching. This whole teaching thing can be exhausting. I need to remember to re-charge.
So .... what is my purpose? Not an easy question to answer. I guess my purpose is to live in these roles which are a part of my life and who I am right now, and to do it with grace. Grace to those I meet, those who are the other halves of these roles, and most importantly me.
Be kind and graceful to me.
Be kind and graceful to those you meet.
#Findyourjoy
So, these roles, what have they been or what are they now? Well, currently I think some of my roles are: wife, mom to adult children, daughter, friend, and teacher.
Wife- Merriam-Webster defines wife as a woman acting in a specified capacity. That "specified capacity" changes too. I'm a partner, a listener, a care-giver, and a confidant.
Mom(to adult children)- I've been this for awhile now. I like it.
Daughter- I'm fortunate to be able to live in the same town as my parents. I see them every Saturday for breakfast. There is stability and consistency there. I need that.
Friend- I have always struggled with this one. See, I don't think I'm a great friend. I'm nice and all, but I'm not one to go out with the girls or call, or make sure I connect. That's a problem.
Teacher- This takes up the majority of my time. I want to be a good teacher right up to the day I retire. Teaching is not only a physical job, but an emotional one as well. If you allow yourself to receive the "heart pay" teaching provides, then you have to give that heart into teaching. This whole teaching thing can be exhausting. I need to remember to re-charge.
So .... what is my purpose? Not an easy question to answer. I guess my purpose is to live in these roles which are a part of my life and who I am right now, and to do it with grace. Grace to those I meet, those who are the other halves of these roles, and most importantly me.
Be kind and graceful to me.
Be kind and graceful to those you meet.
#Findyourjoy
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
A good reminder
I was going back through some of my instagram posts and found one on the first day of this school year. I was optimistic, excited, and at the end reminded everyone of how blessed I am to be teaching for so many years, loving the students I teach, and how fortunate I am to work in the district I do.
It's amazing how the everyday of work and life can cloud us from those feelings. How the end of the school year can creep up on us, and how the stress seems so real and justified. It's not. Why is the end of the year any different from the beginning? If it is....it's my fault. My attitude changed somewhere along the way. I am very thankful for the time of rest and relaxation that is coming, but I can decide how my attitude will be getting to the end of the year.
I do need to remember that when the students get antsy and stressed, it's usually due to stress they have put on them. I don't want to contribute to that. Many of my students don't want to be home for the summer. They won't see their friends, some won't have a good breakfast and lunch that they would get at school.
So.... I need to remember to check my attitude when feeling stressed at the end of the school year. If my attitude is checked, then I will be in a better spot to help my students deal with the end of the year.
It's amazing how the everyday of work and life can cloud us from those feelings. How the end of the school year can creep up on us, and how the stress seems so real and justified. It's not. Why is the end of the year any different from the beginning? If it is....it's my fault. My attitude changed somewhere along the way. I am very thankful for the time of rest and relaxation that is coming, but I can decide how my attitude will be getting to the end of the year.
I do need to remember that when the students get antsy and stressed, it's usually due to stress they have put on them. I don't want to contribute to that. Many of my students don't want to be home for the summer. They won't see their friends, some won't have a good breakfast and lunch that they would get at school.
So.... I need to remember to check my attitude when feeling stressed at the end of the school year. If my attitude is checked, then I will be in a better spot to help my students deal with the end of the year.
Saturday, May 18, 2019
Speaking and Knowing
I had a few encounters this week. I have been a very fragile soul, and therefore, when people spoke to me this week, I felt every bit of what they were saying and how they said it.
It was how they said it that ultimately broke me and made me realize something.
I know if people are saying things to me through love or not.
It made me realize who truly has my best interest in mind and who is only here to serve themselves.
So, I began thinking.... I need to be more mindful of how I speak. Am I speaking from a place of love? or Am I speaking from a place of jealousy, anger, resentment, or greed?
Also, I realized that it's okay that there are people who will never serve what's best for you. I may still have to be around them.
Also, I don't need a lot of friends, just real friends.
Friends who speak to me from a place of love.
Friends who have my best interest in mind.
Friends who can from a place of love say the hard things to me when I need to hear them.
Friends, who when they speak to me this way, are patient with me as I work through what was said.
I do have those friends, and it makes me happy.
I hope I can be that kind of friend back.
It was how they said it that ultimately broke me and made me realize something.
I know if people are saying things to me through love or not.
It made me realize who truly has my best interest in mind and who is only here to serve themselves.
So, I began thinking.... I need to be more mindful of how I speak. Am I speaking from a place of love? or Am I speaking from a place of jealousy, anger, resentment, or greed?
Also, I realized that it's okay that there are people who will never serve what's best for you. I may still have to be around them.
Also, I don't need a lot of friends, just real friends.
Friends who speak to me from a place of love.
Friends who have my best interest in mind.
Friends who can from a place of love say the hard things to me when I need to hear them.
Friends, who when they speak to me this way, are patient with me as I work through what was said.
I do have those friends, and it makes me happy.
I hope I can be that kind of friend back.
Sunday, May 5, 2019
Back to the grace thing
I was re-reading some of my posts last night, and I stopped at the post that I talked about allowing ourselves grace.
I stopped....and I asked myself "How are you doing with that Kim?"
I think better overall, but I did realized a couple of things.
1. It is a constant process
2. I need a few strong, reliable people
So, it is a constant process. It is not a magical end where I'm showing myself grace perfectly and consistently. After all, there are people I have to show grace to on a daily basis. The people I have to show more grace to usually are the people who need it the most. These people(mostly students) have a lot of things going on. My students range in age from 10-14. Quite an important time in a persons' life. There are so many physical, mental, and emotional changes going on that if I can't extend some grace everyday, I should turn around and go home! I very often reflect on how I was during those years, and love my parents even that much more! Now, this doesn't mean that there are no consequences for poor behavior choices, because there needs to be. How else can we learn?
In some ways, I'm the same. I've thankfully made it through that part of my life and many more, but I still make mistakes, and even poor behavior choices. I try to eat more vegetables, but then that big messy burger calls and I have that instead of a salad. I do put lettuce on my burger and that counts right!?
All kidding aside, it's not about the food or even a "cheat" day, but about honoring my body and putting good fuel into it to get what I need out of it. When that burger calls, show some grace!
I will always want yummy messy food but as an occassional thing, not all the time.
I stopped....and I asked myself "How are you doing with that Kim?"
I think better overall, but I did realized a couple of things.
1. It is a constant process
2. I need a few strong, reliable people
So, it is a constant process. It is not a magical end where I'm showing myself grace perfectly and consistently. After all, there are people I have to show grace to on a daily basis. The people I have to show more grace to usually are the people who need it the most. These people(mostly students) have a lot of things going on. My students range in age from 10-14. Quite an important time in a persons' life. There are so many physical, mental, and emotional changes going on that if I can't extend some grace everyday, I should turn around and go home! I very often reflect on how I was during those years, and love my parents even that much more! Now, this doesn't mean that there are no consequences for poor behavior choices, because there needs to be. How else can we learn?
In some ways, I'm the same. I've thankfully made it through that part of my life and many more, but I still make mistakes, and even poor behavior choices. I try to eat more vegetables, but then that big messy burger calls and I have that instead of a salad. I do put lettuce on my burger and that counts right!?
All kidding aside, it's not about the food or even a "cheat" day, but about honoring my body and putting good fuel into it to get what I need out of it. When that burger calls, show some grace!
I will always want yummy messy food but as an occassional thing, not all the time.
Assumptions
The word assumption means "a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof".
So, why believe everything you hear.... it may be an assumption. I'm tired of assumptions. Just ask. But therein lies the problem. We don't ask. This society is becoming a society where we don't have to talk face to face. Anything I put on social media can and will be construed as assumption.
Here's the thing though... if you ask me face to face, then you need to be ready for the answer. It'll be true, honest, and maybe hard to take. I will, however talk in that truth with love. I never intentionally mean to hurt feelings. Unfortunately too many people don't get that. Don't get how to speak truth in love, or learn to receive it.
This blog isn't meant to be cryptic or anything...so don't make assumptions! I have been starting to clean things off of my plate. I need to. I'm not the person I am striving to be. I need to take care of me, then take care of my husband. Many of you know the journey we have taken in the last few years. I feel like I am beginning(just beginning) to get a handle on me, but now I need to help him.
He's doing great, but there are still things he struggles with. Things that I do not have his permission to disclose on a public blog, and that's okay. Those of you who are closest to us know his struggles.
Please know that if I or we choose not to do something that we are upset with you. That's not the case. Please ask us. Please know that we may be asking some of you for some help on this journey. Especially those of you who have quietly stood by for so long. Please invite us over, and if we can't come know it's not because we are avoiding you or mad at you. Know that social situations can be difficult at times, and know that earlier stresses of the day also play a part in how we schedule.
So, why believe everything you hear.... it may be an assumption. I'm tired of assumptions. Just ask. But therein lies the problem. We don't ask. This society is becoming a society where we don't have to talk face to face. Anything I put on social media can and will be construed as assumption.
Here's the thing though... if you ask me face to face, then you need to be ready for the answer. It'll be true, honest, and maybe hard to take. I will, however talk in that truth with love. I never intentionally mean to hurt feelings. Unfortunately too many people don't get that. Don't get how to speak truth in love, or learn to receive it.
This blog isn't meant to be cryptic or anything...so don't make assumptions! I have been starting to clean things off of my plate. I need to. I'm not the person I am striving to be. I need to take care of me, then take care of my husband. Many of you know the journey we have taken in the last few years. I feel like I am beginning(just beginning) to get a handle on me, but now I need to help him.
He's doing great, but there are still things he struggles with. Things that I do not have his permission to disclose on a public blog, and that's okay. Those of you who are closest to us know his struggles.
Please know that if I or we choose not to do something that we are upset with you. That's not the case. Please ask us. Please know that we may be asking some of you for some help on this journey. Especially those of you who have quietly stood by for so long. Please invite us over, and if we can't come know it's not because we are avoiding you or mad at you. Know that social situations can be difficult at times, and know that earlier stresses of the day also play a part in how we schedule.
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