Write them Down- Step #7

Step # 7 is to write your joys down! Everyday if you can.

It can be one quick joy on a scrap piece of paper, or a facebook post, or a twitter post, instagram post, or even a journal entry or blog entry. Just get it visible.


Seeing your joy in print makes it real. Keeping it where you can see it often helps when you are not feeling very joyful.

So.... get your joy in writing.

Grace- Step #6

Step #6 is extending grace to yourself and others.

This is actually a good day for me to be writing this. I need the reminder.
As I think about the day at school, I'm pretty sure I could have done better at this. I teach middle school and the honeymoon period is definitely OVER! It's at this point that I need to be able to extend grace more than ever.

How do you extend grace to yourself?

This is tough to do, and I struggle at it many times. What I can tell you though, is not only is it essential, but necessary if you want to be able to extend grace to others.
In order to extend grace to yourself, you need to be able to reflect. You need to be honest with yourself and your feelings and reflect on the day, week, month, year etc.
When I have felt like a failure at something....anything...I reflect. Did I even really have control over the situation? If I didn't, I extend grace. If I did, then it's time for me to get real with myself and look at what I could have done differently. If I need help in this process, I go to my people that can speak in love to me and ask for their help. Once I have determined what I could have done differently, I extend grace, and move on. Even if I'm never in that situation again, I have reconciled it within myself and let it go. If I am in that situation again, I do it differently, and reflect again.


How do you extend grace to others?

Basically you have to be right within yourself. You have to be able to look at their situation and determine if it was really "them" or a situation they are in. If they had no control over the situation and couldn't have done anything differently, extending grace needs to just happen. If you can't then you need to go back to looking to see if you are extending grace to yourself.

If that person had control over the situation, then you have two choices. If you are a person that can speak to them in love, you need to do it. Help them extend grace to themselves and you will extend grace to them at the same time. If you are not one of their people that can speak in love, you may need to leave the situation, and reflect on yourself to extend grace to yourself. It's always a good idea to extend grace to them, but remember you cannot control whether they choose to receive the grace that is extended.


How did my day go awry?

I teach middle school. enough said! no, seriously, it was a rough day in the middle school. I am the adult. They are trying to be adults and little kids all at the same time with raging hormones! I need to take time and mentally prepare everyday before stepping foot into the building. I need to extend myself some grace. Then I can look at my students and evaluate what is in their control and what is out of their control and how that is effecting them. That does not mean that all discipline goes out the window. There always needs to be accountability or we never learn.
Also, being the adult and a veteran teacher I know how to structure my classroom to try to avoid some things but that doesn't always work. Then grace is most certainly needed.

So, tomorrow is a new day. I have extended grace to myself for today, and will go to school tomorrow with a different mindset.


#Findyourjoy

Speak in Love

I talked a bit about this in the previous post, but, it's worth a post of its own.
When you are an encourager, make sure you are speaking in love.

What does it mean to speak in love?
well, it means that you are choosing your words mindfully and carefully so as to make the person you are speaking to know you are saying what you are saying because you truly care about them.

How do you do this?
Ultimately it is important that you already have a well established relationship with that person. They need to know that you really know them, are invested in them, and can speak truth to them.

When do I do this?
Whenever you see your friend struggling, or if they are speaking to you about not being able to find their joy. Sometimes, I flat out ask my "people" to help me.

When should I not say something?
Use your own judgement, because if you really have a good relationship with that person, you'll know how it will be received and if you are able to speak in love.

Think before you speak and develop real relationships with people so you can be that person for someone else and you'll have people to speak to you in love.

#Findyourjoy

How to be an encourager

Step #4 - Be an encourager to others

Doing this and doing it well is hard. You have to be able to set your own issues aside for the moment and invest in someone else. Sometimes this is easier than other times.

If you are having a particularly hard time finding joy yourself, it may be a good idea to not fully engage in helping someone else find their joy.
With that being said, helping someone find their joy when you are having difficulty can help you as well. Just don't let it become a situation where you are deflecting your joy.

How do we encourage others?
Well, first you need to develop relationships. Really knowing a person, and truly being interested in their journey is first. I have met many people over my journey. I don't know each one personally, but, I am invested in people finding their joy. I listen when they want to share, and I encourage them to find joy.
Those that I know more personally, I can really direct them toward situations I know they have in their life that bring them joy. Real deep level joy.

Second, you have to be in a place with that person where you can speak through love to them. If you can't, then don't. You run the risk of alienating them, and pushing them farther away from joy.

About 4 months ago, I was having a bad day. Mark was not having a good week, I was tired of his whole situation, it's affect on our marriage, and our finances. My dear friend of 20 years let me vent, and then put her hand on top of mine and said "I know you're frustrated, but I just want to remind you that it could have been very different that day Mark had his stroke".  I snapped right out of my pity party. My friend didn't find my joy, but reminded me that through my frustration, there was a joy present and I needed to concentrate on that instead. She knows me, she has walked through this journey along side of me. She was able to speak to me in a loving matter.

Lastly, walk your life in joy. Be real about it. If you are not joyful that day, be honest, but try to find joy.
Actions speak louder than words sometimes. I can't tell you how many times people say to me that they cannot believe I could be joyful with everything that has happened to me in the last 4 years. Let me tell you, my story does not compare to a lot of others' stories, but it is mine, and I know I can find joy. Simply living and walking that knowledge is bigger than any words I could ever speak.

So, Be an encourager, be you, be your story, and as always #Findyourjoy!

Find Your Community

#3 in the process is Find Your Community!

Today was a perfect day for this because I needed my community today. I was a little out of sorts and a little stuck for a joy because I had a bit on my plate.
Mark had a doctors appointment that was suppose to be yesterday. I took a day off of work to go with him. Just as we were headed out the door, they called and had to cancel. They re-scheduled for next week, then called two hours later and scheduled for today. I wasn't going to go as there were some meetings I needed to be at, but as the day went on, Mark became more anxious about me not going. So.... I ended up taking a half day and going with him.
It all worked out because:
1. he was suppose to see a nurse practitioner, but ended up seeing the head doctor of the neurology department.
2. My important meeting was canceled this morning so I didn't miss it anyway



Today, I needed my community, so......
I reached out to my community to let them know how I was feeling, and I received many quick messages back that made me feel a whole lot better, and that I had my community behind me.

Find your community. Those people who have your back. Those people who you can reach out to for that encouragement when you need it. Those people who can remind you where your joy might be. Remember only YOU can find it, but sometimes we all need a little help with the directions!
Your work, your church, your civic group, this group of people who read the blog, they can all become part of your community.

Here is my Joy challenge card! I still have to write it down too!

#Findyourjoy

Tell Your Story

Step #2 is to tell your story.

I chose to tell my story out loud and in writing. Either way is fine, but you need to get it out from inside of you.

For a long time, I told my story in a journal I only saw. Then I decided to tell my story in a blog in the hopes that someone might need to hear it so they knew they were not alone. Then it led to being able to share my story with single people in different situations, and to 175 women last weekend!

First, telling your story is very therapeutic. You do not feel so alone and you would be surprised at how many people are dealing with the same or similar things. This will help build your community.

Second, getting your story out there in print or verbally makes it more tangible.  What I mean by that is, yes, you are feeling every pain associated with the story, but now, having it in print or telling one or many people makes it real and tangible which makes it easier to start to deal with.

Many of us suppress feelings. Feelings that have to do with our story. When we suppress those, we try to not deal with them. When they are out there, we are almost forced to deal with them, and that is a good thing.
I have said many times that the only way out is through.
In order to go through the situation and move forward, we need to see and hear the story, not just feel it.

Third, once we have our story out there, and we begin to see, hear, and feel it, then we can begin to see, hear, and eventually feel Joy again.

Start with writing your story and feelings down. Then move to writing one joy down. It can be anything.... something you see(a robin, a beautiful sun, a tree), something you hear(a bird chirping, your dog snoring, the neighborhood kids playing and laughing), then move to feeling joy.

It takes time. Joy can be stripped away from us in an instant, but getting it back is possible.

Tell your story, and keep looking for Joy in the things around you.

#Findyourjoy

Only YOU can find your joy

So, I thought I would take the 7 points I made and expand on them one at a time.

#1. Only YOU can find your joy


What do I mean by that?
Well, you are in complete control over whether you choose to find joy and live in it or not. No one can take that from you.

Every morning we have a choice. Are we going to fill our vessel with anger and resentment? or are we going to fill it with Hope, Love, Peace, and Joy?

Is this easy? not always but it is our choice.
You either decide you are going to look for and find your joy, or you don't.

You may need help to recognize the joys you may be missing, but ultimately it is your choice to find it and claim it.

Just like no one can find your joy....no one can take it away either. No one can tell you what to feel or how to feel.

Don't judge the joy you found. Don't wonder "Is this really a joy?", " Is it a big enough joy?", "What if others think this is a silly joy?"
Who cares!? It's YOUR joy!!!

Find it, own it, and live it! YOU have the choice....EVERYDAY!


#Findyourjoy

Women's Conference

Wow, Wow, Wow! What a magnificent day! i had the awesome privilege to speak at the Crosstown Alliance Church's Women's Conference today. There were 175 ladies who came together for a morning of fellowship, worship, brunch, crafting, all centered around joy! The stories I heard today of ladies who had lost and found their joy inspired me to keep this journey going. My community is expanding. Expanding by 174 today. I'm humbled, I'm in awe, and I am truly blessed.


1. Only YOU can find your joy
2. Tell your story- say it out loud
3.  Find your community
4.  Be an encourager to others
5. Speak in love when people need encouragement
6. Extend Grace to yourself and others
7. Write your joys down EVERYDAY!



Thank you to those who listened today, and thank you to those who have reached out on social media to me. Meeting you, speaking to you, and expanding my community because of you, is my joy today!



#Findyourjoy

T-2

Two days until the Find Your Joy Conference! I still can't believe that I get to speak to 175 ladies about my journey and finding your joy. I'm so excited and ready! I'm a little nervous, but nervous excited. Paige actually looked at my outline the other night and texted me. She said "I'm proud of you mom". It was one of the sweetest things ever. She wasn't going to be there, but now she is. I'm so happy she'll be there along with some friends from school, and my bible study ladies. I'm so blessed!

So I'm breathing in and out in and out!!!!

#Findyourjoy