It's Been a Little While

 It has been a little while since I posted last, but my aryuvedic journey is going remarkably well. I just went to my regular physician, and my blood pressure is down, and I've lost 5 pounds. I didn't start this journey to do those things but they certainly are a benefit. 

More importantly, I feel better, When I get sick(there are a lot of germs when you teach half of the school), I bounce back faster, and I have more joy!

I can move my body. I'm wanting to eat healthier things. I still have special treats and don't feel guilty or over indulge. This whole thing makes so much sense to me. 

I feel like my brain is less foggy, and I'm wanting to play piano and sing things that challenge me. 

It's so amazing

I hope you have a great week and can #findyourjoy

Starting my Ayurvedic Journey

 I have been taking private yoga lessons for many years now. After my cancer journey which included chemo and radiation, I developed permanent peripheral neuropathy. Sometimes I'm feeling good, but there are many days where my hands and feet hurt terribly. So, I started taking private yoga lessons so that my instructor(Danielle, she's amazing!) can tailor my movement that day to what I can tolerate. 

Anyway, I have learned so much about my body and how it can move even in the midst of limitations and pain. Also, how important it is to move even when in pain. Yoga has provided all of it for me.

As Danielle and I have been on our yoga journey, we do talk, A LOT! I was ready to find a way to nourish my body with good foods and develop a lifestyle. I hate the word diet, and I don't love to feel like I am restricting myself. I like to eat! She introduced my to Ayuveda. I just started coaching with an ayuvedic expert and it has been mind-blowing and life-changing. It is a slow process which works for me. I am making better food choices, eating at the right times of day, caring for myself, and sleeping so much better at night. I'm only though the initial consult, and one coaching session with 3 more to go. 

I am very excited by my journey and how to find my health again. Sarah(my ayuvedic coach) said that even though I had chemo and radiation 6 years ago, that the trauma physically and emotionally is still there(I hadn't really thought of that), and I need to nourish my mind, body, and soul to eliminate the rest of the toxins and trauma. 

This process makes so much sense to me. Even as a Christian. I know there are people who think these practices are a religion, but it isn't for me. It's a means to a better, healthier life where I can move the body God gave me. I can nourish the body God gave me, and I can thank Him through it all!

I'm Back!

 I'm back! I needed to take a little time off and do some serious re-evaluating of some things. Most of my summer of re-evaluating went well. So here is a brief update:

I am no longer selling Perfectly Posh. The company was acquired underneath an existing company, and it just wasn't going to work for me anymore. I still love the product and will continue to use it as long as I can get it.

I started to see an Aryuvedic Coach. Doing weekly private yoga sessions has helped me immensely in so many ways (watch for a future post), and now I was ready to add on to what I am doing for myself.

This aryuvedic journey is so amazing that I will be doing a bunch of posts on it. I am in the starting phase now, but will be keeping you updated.

We really didn't go anywhere this summer. We went to a concert in July (Jackson Browne). It was Mark's first concert since his stroke. We chose an outdoor venue and he did great.

We did make a quick last minute trip to Pennsylvania to see Mark's family. It was fun and made us both realize that we need to be more intentional about planning some camping vacations next summer. 

I am very positive about the school year. There are A LOT of changes and A LOT of talking about education in general, but I am going to go in and do what I do best. CONNECT WITH KIDS! Being at the end of my public teaching career(less than 5 years), I feel like I can put all of the chatter aside and just do what is best for kids. So, that's what I am going to do.

The ultimate question.... Did I find joy this summer? I wasn't specifically looking for it, but as I look back.... Yes. I did find my joy in much of this summer. 

I'm excited to tell you more.

To everyone headed back to school or sending kids off to school, best of luck and start your day with finding that joy!

JOY.

 See my shirt? 

I FINALLY got to see For King and Country in concert!!!!!

I started using the hashtag Findyourjoy quite awhile ago. When I had the opportunity in the Fall of 2019 to talk about my journey, I wanted to find a song that embodied the feeling of that hashtag. I found it in a song called Joy by For King and Country.

I bought this shirt at the concert. What I love about it is that it says "joy." I love the peiord(.). It all there is. It's the pinnacle.

Who or what do you put your joy in? 

I hope you have a fantastic week and as always I hope you can #findyourjoy

Find Your Community

 It has been an emotional couple of weeks for me. I yearn for a slower time again. Preferably without the pandemic. I actually was okay when the shut down happened because I wasn't so busy. That's what I learned. I like not being busy. I like to make decisions on what I want to do and not feel compelled to have to do something or make a decision about doing something that I don't want to do or brings me joy.

Now I'm back to busy, busy, busy and I frankly hate it. 

I want to do the things I want to do and are important to me, but I have other responsibilities that add to the busyness. 

This is causing me to look too far ahead again instead of the day in front of me, it is causing me to be short tempered with Mark(which makes me feel horrible), and it makes me feel out of control. 

I am finding my joy though, mostly through my community. So I will say it again. Having that community to surround you is so important. 

I'll get my joy and mojo back....... I will.

I hope you all have a great week and #findyourjoy!

Spring Break

 This past week was Spring break and I had all sorts of plans to get a few things done around the house. I did some of them, but I hurt my back and that prevented me from getting everything done.

The old me would have been mad and sad and a royal pain to be with. As I thought about it though, I did accomplish a lot this week, and maybe I needed to do some resting before the last quarter of school happens. Also, my weekends are super full through June so rest was needed. 

It's Saturday. I just picked up my grocery order, I'm baking some cookies while I get some work done, and tonight I'm making homemade pizza and popcorn and watching a movie.

Tomorrow is busy with church and two family dinners, so Monday morning will come quickly.

I hope you have been able to find some rest this week, and as always I hope you can #findyourjoy

Busy Weekend!

 I had an amazing busy weekend. For the last eleven years, I (along with my awesome music department peeps) have chaired NYSSMA(New York State School Music Association) solo festival at Pioneer. We had to take this year off because of construction at the high school. So I decided this year was the year I should go and train to become a vocal judge! I have judged all-county solo festivals before but wanted to get my certificate to judge at the state level too.

I left after school on Friday and went to Binghamton. We went from 6:30-9:00 pm on Friday with training and then again from 8:30-4:00pm on Saturday practicing running a room and filling out adjudication sheets for all of the students we heard. 

It was tiring but so much fun. Students were so happy to be singing in person again. In 2020 all festivals were cancelled and in 2021 they were taped and sent to judges. 

I'm waiting to hear if I passed and then I'll be able to judge NYSSMA regular vocal solo rooms. 8 regular festivals and then I can train to be an all-state judge. 

I look forward to doing this now and when I retire. It will give me an opportunity to still hear students sing and encourage them to continue through feedback I give them.

I got home around 7 pm Saturday night, had a fairly full day Sunday, and just sat down after a full day at school.

I will sleep like a baby tonight!!!

Hope you had a good weekend, and I hope you can #findyourjoy  this week!

When is it Time?

 How do you know when it's time? 

When is it time to move on to another relationship?

When is it time to change your eating habits? your exercise habits?

When is it time to change jobs?

When is it time to decide to make any change?

What do you do if it is not possible to change?

I told you in last week's blog post about how hard it is to be a teacher right now. I have been seeing a lot of blog posts and twitter posts about teachers leaving the field or wanting to leave the field. 

My heart breaks for them and their students. Most of these people really wanted to be teachers. They had a passion for it. 

Some have left the profession. Some are sticking it out in hopes it gets better. Some are so close to retirement that they are just hanging on.

I began to think about my own situation. I like teaching. I don't always like the circumstances I have to deal with and most are out of my control. So I try to look at what is in my control.

I am 51 years old. I began teaching when I was 21. Technically, when I turn 55, I will have enough years and be the correct age to retire. Most say "Wow that is so young." but, doing the same job for 34 years is a long time. At that point, I can go do something else. 

I have no idea if that will be my plan (to retire) when I get to those magic numbers combined. I don't know how I will know either. I have to wait until I get there.

In the meantime...... I have two choices

1. stay the same

2. move forward

I could float along through these years just hanging on due to the craziness in education from the pandemic(and other things. It wasn't just the pandemic) or I can try some new things and make my final years of public school teaching something different.

This week, I was given an opportunity to do the latter.

Just before the shut down, we moved into our new classroom with tables. We were just getting used to it, and the shut down happened. When we returned. There were desks in rows(to follow the guidelines). 

This week. OUR TABLES RETURNED!

Now I have the opportunity to look at my curriculum and work at a more collaborative approach and I get to really learn how to create a classroom where students take more charge of their learning instead of me giving them information.

It won't be easy. I've taught a long time, but I'm looking forward to it. It gives me purpose again. Purpose as an intelligent person, as a teacher, and as someone who is still striving to learn herself. 

I'm making a change. It is scary. It is time to. It makes me excited. It makes me smile. I'm looking forward to finding the joys that come from this. 

I hope this week you can #findyourjoy.

Taking Care of Yourself

 I'm a little upset with myself, but know I shouldn't be. I have been really trying to take care of myself. I've been eating well, drinking water, exercising, and getting rest. But.... I still caught a nasty cold this week. It came out of nowhere. I felt fine, no actually great on Tuesday. When I got home from work, my throat felt a little raw and I had a dull headache. Then.... BAM! It hit me all at once and I was in bed so congested I wished I could puncture a hole in my face to drain the yuck. Then I spiked a little temperature. I tested for Covid twice, both negative. 

So I rested. I was mad but rested. Today (Sunday) I'm better but still am congested and coughing a little. Ugh

Why was I so mad at myself? 

Maybe I realized how I am not in control of some things. Even though I try to do everything "right" there are some things I cannot control.

So, how do I deal with them?

Guilt mostly. no, really don't you feel guilty when you thought you had control but ultimately didn't?

I felt horrible calling in to work. 

Being a teacher is hard. There are no subs. When you call in, your colleagues pick up the slack. Your slack. Is it my slack though? I feel like it is.

Is it my slack? I have more questions then answers today. That's the congestion in my head I think. 

My colleagues are great and did what they could. I would do the same for them. 

Despite all of this, I did find joys this week.

1. The musical went really well. The kids did a great job!

2. Mark and I caught up on some things since we felt like we hadn't seen each other due to the tech week schedule

3. Mark is doing well. The golf course opens this week!

4. Mark had a neurology appointment and they don't need to see him for a year instead of 6 months

5. It's officially Spring!

I'm going to work hard at getting rid of the guilt this week.

Have a good week and as always I hope you can #findyourjoy

What do you do with a rough couple of days?

 I had a couple of rough days this week. As soon as I didn't react the way I wanted to, I began to beat myself up about it. 

I know I've talked about having grace with yourself, and I sure didn't. I was tired. I had multiple days of late rehearsals, teaching, and 4 shows to play this weekend. I love it, but was tired. When I get tired (or in pain) I don't always make the best choices. I have never been a particularly patient person, so snap reactions are something I'm working on.

I am happy that I can recognize it though. That helps. I can then: 

1. Get some rest

2. assess what happened(not perseverate on it)

3. Move forward with the knowledge that it happened and get back on track

4. Look around and Find Joy

It didn't take too much to find joy today. Our pastor was at another church this morning helping them with some church business, and Nate delivered the sermon. It wasn't one he wrote, but one that was written in the late 40's. He did such a great job and made this momma proud.

I have one show left to play for Pioneer's musical. It's been tiring, but that is a total Joy too. I'm proud of all of these students that I currently have or have had. 

I am preparing for a good week. Full of hopes, possibilities and joy.

As always I hope you #findyourjoy this week!

What if......

 I have been seeing a lot of posts this week referencing the struggle going on in the Ukraine and people in the US complaining about rising gas prices. Most of these posts go something like this:

"Why are you complaining about the gas prices. You are not sitting in your basement listening for gun fire or missile attacks wondering if you will live to see tomorrow."

Puts some things in perspective doesn't it?

I'm assuming the majority of the people who read this blog have never had to hide in their basement because our country has been invaded.

Is our country perfect? Heck no! No country is. 

Do I like the rising gas prices and rising grocery costs? Also No

but....

I adjust my budget, there are still things I can get rid of if I need to.

I've done it before. 

When Mark had his stroke and we suddenly only had one income.

We went to one vehicle. We slashed our grocery budget by eating more economical foods. We didn't order out or go out. We reduced our cable channels.

I can do that again if I need to, but......

I have food. I have a home. I have safety. 

See....... think about what you have. Not what you don't have. 

Pray for this world, this country, the people of Ukraine, and give thanks for what you have. 

I will ALWAYS try to find the joy. It makes me a better person. 

but 

What if.......

I have had "What ifs...." come before, handled them, and found joy. 

No more "What ifs"  and More Find your joys! 

Finding Joy in the Midst of Chaos in the World

 The international events of the day are scary. Is it even correct to be going along with our lives and trying to find joy? 

Shouldn't I just be joyful because I'm not in the Ukraine wondering if my life will be gone in the next few minutes? 

Finding joy and pursuing it whole heartedly is a worthy endeavor. It is okay to continue to do this in the midst of the chaos. 

First, we are in a better place to deal with the ills of this world when we are seeking joy. 

Second, you can be joyful in your own life and be concerned and saddened for someone else. 

So, what do we do with horrible situations like this that are way out of the scope that we as individuals can  handle and change?

Here is what some of my friends have done this week:

~ I have a friend who set aside her meditation day(Wednesday) to focus all of her prayers and meditations on the people of the Ukraine. She also called on her friends to meditate and/or prayer for a half hour on Friday. The power of numbers is quite effective. 

~ I have a blogging friend who recognized that this is bigger than her, and is living her life to the fullest and emphasizing her prayer time to this situation. She is giving it to God.

~ I have two friends who had babies this week. They are holding those bundles of Joy tight, and bringing light to the babies being born in the Ukraine this week in bomb shelters. There are many links to help with monetary donations. You can do a google search and choose an organization you feel comfortable with

~I have received many emails from various prayer chains to pray for the situation

~I continue to move forward with my schedule but set aside time to educate myself on the situation and I pray that peace and joy will win.

Do your best this week. Find those joys and hold on to them.

#findyourjoy

New Insights on Joy

 I have been thinking a lot about my joy journey lately. It's always good to check in and see how you are progressing. It was good. It was frustrating. It was sad. It was all of the feelings

I didn't realize that "checking in" with my progress would evoke so many emotions, but it sure did.

I read a few books and a few blogs and began to think I was going about finding joy all wrong. That I wasn't really good at it and I needed to start over completely. After a few days where I really wrestled with that and having some good conversations with people who I'm close to, I realized this......

It's MY journey. We all find joy differently. In different things and in different ways. 

I realized that along with finding my joys I was also looking at other's joys and in many cases becoming jealous. 

Oh Jealousy is a horrible thing. 

I was jealous of other people's joys. I thought I wanted those joys, and when I wasn't finding them, I was jealous that they had. 

Then I started thinking again. Were those joys? or things? 

There is a difference. Maybe I'm not as content as I thought I was. 

Do I need full contentment before I can find joy?

Maybe not full contentment, but a level of contentment. 

If I don't have some contentment, then the joy may not really be mine. 

The other question I've been wrestling with is:

How do my current joys factor in to my dreams for the future? 

Mark is a live day to day guy. He always has been. I have a hard time doing that. I have plans and dreams, but when I begin to doubt those, I begin to lose my joy. 

Joy is in the moment. I need to find those joys in the moment, and smile at them, relax in them, let them hug my soul. But in the back of my head I always wonder "Is there an implication for the future(good or bad) in this?" 

It's something I'm working on and thankful Mark has a different perspective. 

Am I thinking too hard on this? or Are Joys simply Joys that make our walk through this life more beautiful?

Humbleness vs. Pretentiousness (and not feeling walked all over)

 Whew, this is a tough one. What is the opposite of humbleness? pretentiousness?

I met two fairly prominent people last night. This was the first time I had met them. I have heard them talked about in many people's conversations for many years. Well, my initial reaction to them was this. One was humble, and one was pretentious. They were a couple, so it made me start thinking about that. Is that what makes their relationship work? You have heard the saying that opposites attract right? 

Anyway, it got me thinking about myself. Would people say I'm humble, pretentious, or something else? and Does it matter to me? 

If it matters to me, does that make me pretentious?

Also, How do you stay humble and also protect yourself so you are not "walked all over" or taken advantage of?

In all honesty, when I feel taken advantage of, I get angry, and I become pretentious Kim. I throw around my accomplishments like they are confetti in a parade. Then..... I'm upset with myself for not keeping a humble spirit.

It's a fine line to walk. I'm struggling with it lately. 

In the midst of this, I am finding my joy. Prior to meeting those two people last night, I was able to see Nate give a wonderful performance in a play called Puffs. He was proud of this show and his work in it, and he should be. It was really great! 

I hope you all can have a good week and as always I hope you can #findyourjoy

New Semester....... New Mindset?

 Can I do it? The new semester starts Monday. This means I get a brand new 1/4 of the school. I'm not thoroughly happy how first semester went. Donna and I see A LOT of kids. These kids have more needs than ever. Compound that with everything teachers are facing these days and it was rough. Not my best semester of teaching at all. 

I don't want sympathy or pity, I want change. I guess that will have to come from me because it's not coming from anywhere else. School districts are paralyzed basically. We are the middle man in this fight, but many do not understand that. The kids have changed. Unfortunately, they see their parents disrespecting local leaders and they then feel it's okay for them to do the same. That's the biggest issue I deal with on a daily basis. 

What happened to kindness, compassion, understanding? How do I make sure I am exhibiting those qualities without feeling walked all over? It's my most pressing question right now.

I'm tired. I don't like being what I think is a bad teacher or a teacher in survival mode. I can't "simply make it" through the day anymore. 

Hopefully this semester change will ignite a fire in me. One day at a time. And purposefully finding the joys in those days will help.

Have a great week, and I hope you can #findyourjoy

Clarity Update

 To be honest, I haven’t de-cluttered a thing this week. I was really upset at myself for it. Then I had to step back and give myself some grace. It was a rough week. Taking care of myself comes first and the rest will follow. Besides, I am clearing things out for me, not for anyone else. Therefore, if I need rest, I rest. When I’m supposed to de-clutter, I de-clutter. I don’t win a trophy if I clear things out faster or if I clear out the most stuff. I’m not in competition with anyone or anything. The pace of this journey is mine and whatever pace it is is just fine. 

So, your journey and your goals are your own. Do them in your time. If you need to adjust them along the way, do that too. It’s okay. 

This week, I hope you can do what you need to do in the time you are to do it, and as always, I hope you can #findyourjoy

Beginnings

 What if we only looked at things as a "beginning" and not an "end"?

There are a lot of things that we can lament over because they seem like an ending or a closure to something. It seems sad most of the time. But beginning something, that seems exciting and positive. 

For instance, I went to a wedding this weekend. A new beginning for this young couple. They are in love and excited for their future together. It wasn't an ending for their single lives, but a beginning for their new life together. 

When someone passes away, we will mourn them and it seems like an ending, but if they were in pain on this earth, then their death is a new beginning for them without pain and suffering. 

When we transition to a new home or a new job there is and ending with saying goodbye to co-workers or a place where you have so many memories, but there is anticipation and excitement with a new beginning in a house or job.

I've been thinking about my cancer journey within the last 24 hours A LOT. I had two friends who had lumpectomies the same week just before Christmas. They both anticipated only having to have radiation. One of them found out this week she'd have to have chemo. She now has a new set of things to wrap her head around. 

It made me think about my journey. She was talking about losing her hair. It made me think about that part of my chemo journey. I was okay with shaving my head. I looked at it as a badge of honor in my fight. I never wanted people to look at me and feel sorry. Most didn't. It was a new beginning for me. It worked out well, seeing I felt so tired most of the time and now my showers were quicker! I honestly felt that way.

Then after all of my treatment was over, and my hair started coming back, I kept cutting it short. For a long time. The summer of 2019 Mark asked me why I kept cutting it short and if I would let it grow. He basically challenged me. I can't walk away from that challenge, so I let it grow. 

In the last 24 hours I've been thinking as to why I wouldn't grow it at first and why now. I finally figured it out. 

I was afraid. I was afraid to let it grow for fear I might not be done with cancer and chemo. If I kept my hair short and the cancer came back, it wouldn't be such a big deal to lose it again. I had to feel like I was at the end of my cancer journey. 

I will always have that journey and the wonderful things it taught me, but it has ended, and now here is to more new beginnings!

Living in the Moment of Today

 I sat here this morning, feeling like I had been back to school for 4 weeks when in reality I had only been back a week. This is hard. Really hard. Part of what is making it hard is having kids in school and out of school for larger chunks of time. It's like we're in a constant state of "waiting for the other shoe to drop", and we don't know where the tipping point is. 

I've seen so many people leaving the profession, and believe me, the thought has crossed my mind, but then I remember that I have walked through much worse. Maybe it's because I'm older now, or because I have walked through so much.... but I'm tired. Very tired. 

I need to prioritize myself. So I will. Don't be offended if you ask me to do something, and I say "no". It's not personal. It's me prioritizing me. 

My neuropathy is kicking into gear. This weather doesn't help. It's the constant change in the weather. I wish it would pick a temperature and stick to it. So, I prioritize. I rest. My house may show it, but I will clean later. 

Mark and I had a day date and while we were driving he was talking about my word for the year... CLARITY.

He had been to two bible studies this week that also targeted in on the word clarity. He is excited that this happened and I think we are both on a clarity journey this year. He also said some of the discussion centered around not worrying about the future and not living in the past, but living in the moment and doing the best we can. If we are constantly looking forward or backward, we will not be able to find clarity in today.

Good advice I think. Hard to do, but it's worth striving for. So, I don't worry about tomorrow or this week, but worry about today. Today, I rest. That is all I have to do. 

Have a great week and I hope you can #findyourjoy