Purpose

 I spent an hour or so journaling about 2020 and setting some intentions for 2021. Basically, what came out of my time was that 2020 was a year of further learning for me. I almost feel that what has transpired in mine and Mark's life since the end of 2015 truly prepared us for 2020. Yes, things were scary, things were uncertain, but that is the road we have walked prior to this year. We learned to walk in Joy. So, we were prepared to find joy in this last year too. As I wrote about the things that have happened, there have been way more good things than bad for us. 2020 wasn't without struggles, but constantly looking for and finding joy has put the good things in the forefront of my mind.  2021 will start with treatment for Mark. He has to start his no iodine diet the 2nd(so we both will, as that is what you do for those you love). He goes off his thyroid med for the month as well(that part worries me more as I'm not sure how his body will react), but.... once he is done, he sees the endocrinologist and they will start working on the right dosage of medication .... and our new puppy Remington will be ready to live with us! 

2020 brought the seizure that found Mark's thyroid issue, which turned into surgery, which had complications along the way all while going to multiple doctors and hospitals during Covid. It was scary and unnerving but necessary to get where we are today. Forced to eat differently for a solid month which might just set us up for success since it takes a month for a habit to form. 

My biggest take-away from 2020 and the word I kept coming back to.... PURPOSE! 

While working from home from March through August, I noticed that everything I did began to have purpose. I planned lessons with purpose, I grocery shopped with purpose because I didn't want to make multiple trips to the store, I spent a lot of purposeful time reading, sipping coffee on my deck, doing yoga on my deck, sitting around the campfire, talking to my neighbors, re-imagining Halloween, buying purposeful Christmas gifts, making sure I budgeted purposefully so I could help out local businesses. I feel really good about all of that, and that gives me JOY!

So, my 2021 will be lived with purpose. I will find purpose in the things I choose to do, because that is what gives me joy. 

Watch for a weekly blog as I go on this journey. I'm simply moving my Joy Jar to online. 

Happy New Year and #Findyourjoy

Weirdest extended weekend of 2020

 In a year of uncertainty, this weekend sure took the prize.

Thursday night, we received the phone call about remote instruction. I taught from home on Friday. Many students didn't log in at all to my team. I felt bad. I thought I had prepared them on what to do. It's not me, or my subject, I know that, it's just disheartening in a teaching year that is already disheartening. 

So, while I had a Kim pity party, there were some other monumental things that happened to snap me out of it. 

See, in the grand scheme of things, some 8th graders not logging on to my team was nothing.

55 students and 10 adults have to quarantine. Some of their siblings(which I have) are as well. What a crazy time for them.

Then Sunday we heard of the passing of a current district employee. This has further saddened the entire district and the High School in particular. 

Monday, a music friend of mine(from another district) had a tragedy happen to her. Her husband was severely injured a work. He was taken to ECMC and had surgery to reconstruct his face. 

I had to look hard for joys, but I found them. 

I did meet (socially distanced of course), with some dear friends I hadn't seen in a long time. We all have relatives that have medical issues making them more fragile. It was awesome to meet and talk, and just catch up. 

My friend's husband, is out of surgery, not in a lot of pain, and looks like no injury to the eye. He will have several surgeries to repair other areas, but will make it. 

The family of our Pioneer employee who passed is hurting so bad. So I pray for them. She is gone way too soon, but I know she is in Heaven looking down on all of us. Caring for us, as she did here on earth. 

So, stop, take a look for those joys, and hold on to them like crazy. 

Stop take the time to look at the beautiful Fall colors.

Stop, take the time to listen to the sound of the wind or the birds, or yourself just breathing in and out. 

Stop, take the time to feel the cool air or the sunshine on your face.

Above all, Stop and.......

#Findyourjoy

here we go

 Last night at 8pm, the phone call came. We were moving to full remote for at least tomorrow. 

here is what my mind said

1. Oh man....we knew this could happen, but so soon?

2. I wonder if I've been exposed, I see half the school

3. What period of time, and distance does it take to be exposed?

4. I can do this tomorrow, I'm prepared.

That last statement made it so I could go to sleep last night.

I had prepared for this. I went into the school year knowing this could happen and tried to get me and my students ready in case this happened.

I only see my hybrid students one time per week so I hoped the message was loud and clear what to do and how to do it if this happened. Fingers crossed.

A bit of this does depend on the parents. I provide the instruction and they have to get their student up and make sure they log on to do the work.

I have the instruction on there. I have been working since 7:20am making sure the student who would have seen me in class received instruction. 

I have 8th grade 1st period. I can see when they log in to my team. None of them had logged in at 11am.

This kind of curve ball that has been thrown will only work if we work as a team. I did my job, now I need the parents and students to do their job.  I know it's not easy, but it's not easy for any of us. We need to work together.

No, I didn't sleep in, I had coffee, breakfast, and was at my computer at the time I would have been arriving at school. I took 30 minutes for lunch, and was back at it. 

I will be at my computer until 2:30 when I would log off and leave school. 

However, I will be back on this weekend. Looking for last minute assignments or questions from students who I know had to watch their younger siblings today, or had spotty wi-fi and needed to have their parent drive them to a hotspot to download or upload work. 

I'm hoping we are back on Tuesday, but if not, I'm ready. I've been ready, I will be ready. 

I am  teacher. 

Be kind, show grace, and stay safe.

#Findyourjoy

Balancing Act

 Friday was a ROUGH DAY! The weeks are going quickly at school, but that's a problem. I feel a little.....no a lot behind. Getting assignments up is going well, it's getting the assignments back, grading them, helping kids with problems online, and finally getting them in the grade book. 

It feels like I'm doing three jobs. I'm lucky currently, I have a REALLY good student teacher and she is killing it. I only have her a couple of more weeks and then I'm going to take back things and it'll be more.

That coupled with Mark and his needs and I felt exhausted and totally overwhelmed.  I'm trying to balance this so I don't do school work all weekend. I'd like to be able to not do any schoolwork over the weekend, but it's impossible. Right now at least. 

I also have students contacting me over the weekend. I know they "should" be doing their work during the week when they are home, but there are so many extenuating circumstances for them too. 

Balancing is hard. 

So.... today I rest. Sunday is for rest. 

I'm no good to anyone, if I don't.

So.... I've had coffee, read, sat outside in the sunshine, made lasagna, paid some bills, and going to watch the football game. Everything else can wait. 

I feel a little guilty, but I know I'll be better for it going into the work week.

So, be kind to each other, show some grace. 

#Findyourjoy

Teaching in the pandemic

 School is exhausting but good. We are getting into the swing of things and the new temporary normal. Not all of the students are getting there, but we are patient and just keep working towards everyone being able to navigate learning this way. It's not ideal for everyone, but some are doing better than when school was the other way. We have to adapt and learn to teach everyone. That's what is exhausting. Exciting, but exhausting. 

Learning a new way to do something can be good, if we go into it with that mindset.... heck, it might even become a joy!

Mark Update

 After the crazy complications that happened the week of the surgery, Mark is doing really well. 

The hardest thing is to not let him do too much too soon. Of course he says "I'm fine", but I see the tiredness. It's natural for me to protect him. 

He has two doctor's appointments this week, one to his regular physician and one to the surgeon. After the appointment to the surgeon we will know more about the pathology report. The doctor is positive it was cancerous(probably on both sides) but it didn't look like there was any lymph node involvement. That is good! I don't anticipate any treatment for cancer like radiation or chemo. He will have to be on medication though. I do know many people who have lived with this for many years on meds and do just fine. 

#Findyourjoy

I'm back! and Where I was!

 I'm back!

Where was I?

Wallowing in my self-pity.

Doubting in my ability.

Wondering if putting myself and my life out there was a good thing.

But, I'm back! 

Here is the whole truth:

Someone close to me berated me and yelled at me for publishing this blog. This person said to me "You shouldn't be putting your whole life out there for people to see." 

This person hurt me terribly. So I stopped writing.

Then Mark's surgery happened and there were complications. School started at the same time, and it was hard. My life felt like it was spinning out of control, and I was mad.

So, I had a heart to heart with myself, prayed a lot, and decided I need to blog. I need the documentation in writing about finding my joy. 

Writing down your joys is so important. It makes them tangible. It reminds me of the good things I do have happening in my life amongst the struggles. It puts me in a better place, physically, mentally, and spiritually. 

I couldn't come back to this until I reconciled my anger with the person who broke my spirit. 

I'm blessed, I'm whole, I'm walking forward, and I'm finding my joy.

It HAS to be my priority.

Why I have not been blogging

 There are a couple of reasons why I haven't been blogging.

Let's start with the primary reason that really shook me to my core.

I was told by a family member that I shouldn't be blogging and putting my life out on the internet. This person was upset that I had talked about Mark and his struggles and upcoming surgery. This person knew all about it, as well as every family member before I put anything out there. I also received Mark's blessing to post. 

I was so angry at this family member. Therefore, I stopped writing, not because I thought that writing what I did was wrong, but I didn't want to write in anger. I needed to deal with that first before I continued writing.

I needed to find my joy again in writing this blog, and move through this first.

So..... I'm writing again.

We have been dealing with a lot of doctors and appointments, and will know more next week. We just take it day by day.

Here's what I have taken from our crazy 4 weeks after this incident:

1. I know there are a lot of people who believe differently about the COVID crisis. 

2. I am doing what is necessary for my situation and family.

3. If you don't agree with how I am handling it, that's fine.

4. Please don't ridicule my decisions on this. I don't need "fake" friends I need compassionate ones.

5. If you and I don't "match" with our beliefs on this or how to handle it, then please have an adult conversation with me on it, and please respect my decisions on whether I will see you in person.

6. I need to limit my direct contact as much as possible. I will be seeing 200 students a week here soon, and am not sure how that will jive with what the doctors will want Mark exposed to before, during and after surgery. We have a plan ready if necessary.

7. We will listen to our doctors with this one. We trust them, and want to have success with this procedure.

8. We have become very creative with how we connect with our friends and family.

9. Being creative and safe, has made those interactions much more meaningful.

10. Through this, I have been able to maintain my joy. Somedays it has been difficult, and some days it has been easy, but I have found my joy EVERY DAY!

#Findyourjoy

Forgiveness

Forgiveness. Anyone else struggling with this lately or just me?

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

I get the first part. I know I need to forgive, but it's the second part I am struggling with. The part that says regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

This pandemic has everyone so crazed that there is so much hurt intentional and not intentional, that my head is spinning. Some people I could count on, I can't anymore.

I'm getting so I just want this over and to know what the lesson learned is in all of this.

Is it for me to be more forgiving? Have I not been? Was I not a forgiving person before March? 

Do I hold grudges? Why can't I let things go? Do people who tell me to let things go do the same? 

I don't know.

I have been wrestling with this for several days and nights. 

I thought that maybe I need to forgive myself for something so I can forgive others. Someone told me that once.  That if you are having trouble forgiving someone you should examine yourself because you probably have an issue in yourself somewhere you cannot forgive. 

I don't know.

I've tried to forgive, but that resentment monster keeps rearing its ugly head.  I hate what resentment does to me. It makes me not sleep, it makes me short-tempered, and it makes me physically sore. 

I guess I pamper myself a little more, count my blessings, and find my joys as best I can. 

Hopefully it'll all work itself out in time.

Again, I am not writing this to get pity from you(I have been accused of that too), but to get my feelings out, and if someone out there is struggling with the same thing, maybe the ideas I have shared with how I'm going to deal with this can help them too.  

I'm just going to send love out and hope that I get love back.

#Findyourjoy

I had a hit the wall moment

Yesterday, I had a "hit the wall" moment. It was over a lot of things coming up. We have some events (that are still happening) that I'm uncomfortable with, and couple that with the school districts' meeting and creating re-opening plans..... I lost it yesterday. I cried....A LOT! 

It was a good release. I (unknowingly) had pent up these feelings of frustration and anger I have. I'm so tired of seeing people bash my profession on social media, bash what I believe is best for me and my husband right now, and just have lost respect for others.  People that have no idea of every individual's situation. I had had it. I had had it with being cordial, ignoring things on social media and the news, and had it with feeling physical soreness from not releasing my emotions. 

Mark was amazing. He just listened, let me cry, and held me. I finally felt safe, and could go on with my evening. 

 I write this not to gain pity, but to let you know that through all of that yesterday, I did find joy.

I found joy in the two individual video chats I did with 2 students taking summer school camp. They are going into 9th grade. We had amazing conversations about what they would like to do after High School, and what they need to do to get there. 

To the cynics- I am teaching. I am working every day. I'm teaching summer school, and making sure my curriculum (3 full curriculums, it would be 5 if my co-teacher and I didn't split things up) are ready to go online and in-person. I am paralleling my lessons to prepare for whatever happens. It looks different, but I am doing it. Both girls asked me what I thought would happen next year. I told them, I don't know. I also told them that I do know that the district is meeting, and working on many plans for many scenarios that follow the guidelines provided to them.  I told them that I have confidence that they will come up with plans that will take everyone in the buildings into account. I will be ready for whichever scenario happens. I will be nervous too. There are pluses and minuses to every scenario. I don't have control over much, but I do have control over being prepared for those scenarios. 

That's what I focus on today. What I have control over. I may lose some friends or have some family upset with me over this, but my biggest concern is myself, and Mark. That has to come first. 

What I will not do is publicly berate you for your choices, so don't berate me for mine. If you do, you may hear some things you don't want to, and possibly things I might regret saying. I am fragile after yesterday. I won't be this fragile forever.  Many are fragile right now, so just be careful. 

I should have taken care of myself a little better the last few days and I might not have hit that wall. Lesson learned. 

Take special care of yourself a little bit every day.

and

#Findyourjoy

Sadness

What do you do with sadness? 

We all have times we feel sad. How does it go away? When does it go away? Can we make it go away, or does it just take time?

These are a few things I have been pondering. 

Overall, I have not been sad. I have had fleeting moments of sadness wash over me, but I use some of the tools I have and it helps.

However, I have seen a few people on my social media platforms that are really struggling with sadness.

Sometimes I think it's more frustration at first, but then turns to sadness. 

I get some of the frustrations. I don't get them all though, because my situation is not the same as yours.

Even though our situations might be different, how we overcome the frustration or more particularly the sadness is the same.

Some of you are thinking......"oh boy, here she goes again with the #Findyourjoy thing" 

It's true though. When I didn't have that mindset, I was miserable about EVERY LITTLE THING. If the littlest thing happened and I didn't have the control, I was miserable or sad or frustrated.....

I can gauge when this shift happened by just reading my memories on Facebook. I have memories from 8-11 years ago that when I read them I think... "I'm glad I'm not that person today." but...if I wasn't that person, I wouldn't be who I am today. 

For example... many of my posts were about not sleeping well, being tired, being frustrated. They all worked together. I know why I wasn't sleeping. I was worrying. 

Do I have nights where I don't sleep well now? Of course. Most of those times are because of pain, but when I'm focused and get ahead of the pain, I do better. I need to focus on the things that are important. 

Can we make sadness go away? I say Yes. 

Will it take time? It can. I think that depends on what the sadness is based around and your mindset. 

Do we need help with getting past our sadness? Sometimes. Sometimes I can get past my sadness by shifting my focus to something els.  Sometimes I write, sometimes I sing or play piano, sometimes I pray or meditate, sometimes I need to talk to someone.

Most of the time, I truly need to find a joy. Any little joy will help me get started. 

Why did I write this post? am I sad? Sort of. I'm sad for what I am seeing on social media pages. I'm sad that people I know and care about are blankly posting things (out of their frustration I'm sure), that hurt others. 

Pushing your frustration and sadness onto others will not take it away from you. 

You still have to deal with it. 

I would be more than willing to listen, and help, and ask and answer the tough questions , but.... you have to be willing to listen, help, and ask and answer the tough questions too. I won't do this on facebook though. I would rather not do it over the phone either. I want to see you, hear the inflection in your voice, see if it matches your body language. 

If I can't help, then I need to help you find someone who can.

Sadness is real.... we can, do, and should feel it. 

We can move it on its way after we feel it.

The problem comes when you won't try to get rid of it. 

So, please try and find your joy today, start your journey towards being able to feel frustration and sadness, and move it on its way. It will make a huge difference in your life. 

Tough Conversations- Stereo-Typing

I feel like we are constantly stereo-typing those around us. We are not valuing people for their individuality. Let me explain. 

I am a complex person with many thoughts and ideas. I am still learning about myself and others. I do not know everything about everything, or anything about anything some days.

So...... it is not a good idea to say or think things like...

Just because she is a woman she believes.......

Just because she is a teacher she believes.......

Just because she is in this age demographic she believes.......

Just because she lives here she believes.......

Just because she....... and the list goes on.

See, I don't fit into a nice little neat package that a political party, or movement, or another person thinks I should fit into.

I am complex. We all are complex.

Please think for yourself. Do your research. A lot of research from multiple credible sources. Ask questions when you need to. 

And above all, don't think you know how a person is thinking or feeling without asking them. If they give you a quick answer and you need more information, seek it out. 

Be the complex person you were created to be. 

All the Feelings

It was weird. Today, as I was driving home from the grocery store. Nate and I had been  talking about how everyone we saw in Tops had a mask on. I was fine.... until I drove through town and saw a few people walking to stores with their masks on. This crazy rush came over me like I wanted to flat out cry. I was overwhelmingly sad for our new normal. 

We can't always be grounded and feel joy. There will be times that we have these feelings that creep up on us at crazy moments that just leave us in sadness or fear. 

It's what we do with those moments that is the key.

What do I do in those moments? Well, I have a couple of "tools" in my toolbox to combat those feelings so I don't stay in them too long. You've heard me use this saying before, "the only way out is through". I can't pretend the feelings are not there. I have to acknowledge them and move on. Here  are some of the tools I use in no particular order:

1. I blog. Getting my feelings down helps to release them. 

2. I listen to or play music. It helps me acknowledge the feelings I am having. I have been known to pick a song to play and sing, start the song, and just cry. I feel better afterward.

3. Cry or scream. Sometimes we just have to let it out. 

4. Restorative Yoga. I am in poses for an extended period of time. Then I just breathe. By concentrating on my breathing, it slows my heart rate, it regulates my breathing to an even, slow pace which helps me calm down.

5. Pray. Instead of writing my fears and worries down, I say them out loud. Hearing myself say them and give the to God, makes me feel like the burden of carrying those worries is given to someone who can handle them.

6. I talk to Mark. A lot of times he will repeat what I said to him, and when I hear what I said, I can process it better. 

Sometimes I do one of these, sometimes more than one. It depends on the situation. 

Today, I decided to write it down. I was completely surprised by the emotion that came over me, and writing this blog made me acknowledge the feeling, and realize the tools I have to regulate myself. 

Now it is time to find joy in this day. The sunshine and blue sky is a nice start!

#Findyourjoy

Humankind

I've learned a lot about humankind. I have loved seeing how people are creatively getting together and celebrating milestones. It has made people more thoughtful.

Then we have the other side. I have "snoozed" a few people on Facebook. Either they are so negative, and no amount of positivity is going to help them(so I pray for them instead), or they spout rhetoric with no good source to back it. See.... when I did my doctoral program, I learned really quick through all of the research I had to do that you can skew data pretty much any way you want to.

Therefore, I continue to being a learner. I have a lot of questions, about a lot of things happening right now, but I have to be smart about the literature I read regarding these things. I need to seek out credible sources. I need to seek out MANY sources so I can read them, ingest them, and be intelligent. I don't mind asking the tough questions, but I will not do it on Facebook. I want to have a face-to- face conversation(6 feet apart of course). I want to see your body language, really hear the infection and tone of your voice. 

When I ask my questions, please understand that I'm trying to gain more knowledge. It's because I have NO IDEA what it is like to be in your shoes. If I don't ask good questions to the correct people, then how am I suppose learn, grow, and make intelligent decisions on how I feel and will react to something? Do you want to learn something? Ask the right questions to the right people. Have a conversation first, not a debate or an argument. 

Once this is done, you may agree or not agree with someone's perspective, but at least you have done your OWN research. You've asked your own questions. 

I'm not a medical professional, but I have known and know quite a few of them in various situations. That, coupled with the vast amounts of medical professional I have seen through mine and Mark's health journeys puts me in a situation where I have a lot of research and opinions to draw from. I ask them what they think. I actually was at a well visit with my doctor the other day and I asked about my risk factor given my health conditions. I had already done some research on it, but wanted to hear it from a health care professional who knows me, and my situation. She said the cancer drug I am on is non-steroidal so therefore, my risk is lower. Some of the drugs they could have put me on would have put me at a higher risk.  From my research, that is what I surmised as well, but wanted to confirm. My asthma could put me at higher risk, but I have had it under control for quite a while so that is low risk too. My neuropathy.....well..... that is just a pain (literally!) but is a permanent effect of chemo. The meds for it do not comprise my immunity. I asked, and I received an answer I'm comfortable with. 

However, I will still be careful, I will still wear a mask, I will still maintain social distance. Even though I am good, I have others to consider. The first is Mark. I do not want to compromise him or his surgery(whenever that happens) He has a lot more medical things to consider. 

Don't get me wrong. We are not hermits, but we are careful. The whole restaurant thing, or any busy place is something we gave up a long time ago due to his stroke the after effects. He can't handle crowds and noise anyway. 

I also have to consider my parents. They are in the target age. I am their only daughter. If something happens, I don't have siblings to rely on. I do have wonderful cousins who are like siblings to me and would step in for me, but I still am careful.

I find joy right now in maintaining a safe environment for those I love. I clean, I make sure we have masks and sanitizer. I buy awesome smelling hand soaps and hand cream! It's what I can do. I don't live in fear, but I am not reckless either. It's a huge balancing act that we all need to do. We did it before Covid. It just looks a little different now, with more things to balance. We can do this though.....together.

#Findyourjoy

Mark

Being home has allowed me to really "see" into Mark's day. Since this started in March, and we had an April that was yucky, a May that was iffy, and a nice June weather-wise. I got to see first hand at Mark's daily struggles. How tired he is. How some days he can accomplish quite a bit, and the next day struggle to concentrate on anything. Thankfully, that is starting to subside. Those "off" days were due to seizures caused by the stroke. The doctors have just upped the seizure medication a bit, and we haven't seen any in 2 weeks!
This is good, because.... now Mark is having to go to Roswell for surgery. He had a big seizure in February. While in the emergency room they did a cat scan of his head and neck and found a lump in his thyroid. A few weeks later it was tested and was cancerous. The specialist at Roswell is fine with pushing surgery a little bit to see how things happen with covid. If he were to have surgery now, we would have to quarantine for 2 weeks, he'd have the covid test, if it's negative,  then have surgery, and possibly more quarantine. Mark lives for the summertime. It helps his mood. He can go outside, mow lawn, and he can go golfing with my dad. To take 3-4 weeks away of that, would be difficult. The doctor said it can wait, so we wait. I'm very thankful that the doctors understand all of what has happened to Mark physically, mentally, and emotionally. For as much as the seizure in February was horrible (for me... Mark remembers very little about it), The fact that he had a scan because of it, found the lump on his thyroid early. There's the joy.

There is Joy. I just have to look for it. It doesn't always reveal itself right away,  sometimes months later down the road, but I never stop looking, and either should you.

Time for Honesty

I haven't written here in quite a while. I have many posts ready to go, but I couldn't push the publish button. I needed to evaluate why.

Was it time to stop this blog?

Was it time for just a little break?

Was I not finding my joy so felt I couldn't or shouldn't write about it?


All three things crossed my mind many times. Then it hit me.....

How can I talk about finding my joy in this chaos without seeming like I'm gloating about the good things in my life when there are people suffering during this pandemic.

I was really hung up on this.

I'm a little hesitant to write this now, but feel like I've always been honest and I should be honest now.

I think I'm nervous because I may lose some readers from this. When you are sick(like I was with cancer) people take your honesty better because there is a sense of sorry for what the person is going through.
Well, I'm not sick. Am I facing some challenges?...Yes, but not the challenges some people are facing.

I feel content and ok with the last few months. I have learned a lot. A lot about myself, a lot about Mark's struggles, and a lot about humankind.

First, What I've learned about me.


I have always known how blessed I am. I have food, shelter, companionship, and feel safe. This pandemic has opened my eyes to continue to feel blessed, and to help others find blessings.
Teaching online was quite an experience, but it was ok. Sure, it's not ideal, but it was doable. I am an educator..... I teach.....I learn.  I had to learn how to navigate online learning. I had to re-create lessons to go online. To use the tools I had to engage students. Was I good at it? Not too bad. Do I have a lot to learn....YES! So, I learn. If I refuse to, then shame on me. I shouldn't be a teacher who stops learning but wants her kids to continue to learn.

I felt guilty about Mark receding his disability award during the pandemic. So many are hurting financially and we just received some breathing room.
See, we paired down when this happened. We had been caught up in the American ideal.... cable, cars, wifi, latest phones etc.
Then.... BAM down to one paycheck. We went down to one car, cut the cable(kept the wifi), went on a very strict budget. It was tight. I didn't want to re-finance the house because I have it almost paid off! I don't need all of the extras.
Still.... I did incur some credit card debt that was hard to chip at with our budget. Now I'm working at getting that gone, and we have some breathing room for emergencies. I still don't need the extras.

Being able to be content is the best thing ever. It doesn't mean to be lazy, but to be in a state of peaceful happiness. I am, most of the time, and when I'm not, I have beautiful friends and family to remind me to get there!




next....Mark. He has a lot going on.

Survivors Guilt

I know this is a weird title, but I couldn't come up with another term for how I am feeling lately.
I am feeling ok through this pandemic. I see the turmoil, the anxiety, the depression, the uncertainty, and the feelings everyone is putting out there. I can empathize with those feelings. I have felt many of them at various points in these last 4 years.

But today, right now, I'm not feeling them. I feel good. Being at home a lot is not too different for Mark and I except the fact that I don't leave the house to go to school. Mark hasn't handled crowds and noise very well since the stroke. Also, Mark and I received some amazing news a couple of weeks ago. He won his disability case. He will receive full disability. They will pay it back to the day the stroke happened. That is over three years ago!
We didn't tell too many people because it didn't seem right to be telling our good news in the face of all of these horrible things people are going through and feeling. Hence the survivors guilt feeling.

This news for us is life-changing. We have been living on just my salary for 3 years, and we could do it. We had to change a lot of things, but we did it. This extra income that Mark is now going to get will ease the crunch, help us to pay off more debt, and continue with our life goal plans going forward.

So, while other people have been worrying about their jobs, how they are going to make a living, mine just got easier, and I feel like I can't be happy on the outside for fear of hurting someone who is hurting on the inside.

The only advice I can give, is something I have said over and over. Try and find one joy, even if it is little. Take that joy and hold on tight. You might feel like you can only grasp it for a minute and then another wave hits you and rolls you over, but then you can grab another little joy and hold on again. I know doing it that way is very tiring.

When you can't find a joy, then go to your community of people. Have them help you. I know that can be hard as well because you don't want to burden them or you think "they have their own problems, they don't want to hear about mine". If they are your true community, they will help you.

I am in a good place right now, if you need me to be that person, I am here. Know ahead of time that I will acknowledge your feelings, but I'm not going to let you wallow in them for very long. The longer you put off trying to find your joy, the harder it will be to find. I will try to help you find your joy. If I can't, then I will suggest you talk to a professional. Mark had to. I even went along a few times. It certainly helped him and me. I couldn't be his counselor and wife at the same time. Even after this good news, Mark will continue to go. Even though the financial worries he had are fixed, the fact is that his life and how he can live it still changed immensely, and he still needs to talk to someone besides me about that.


So, I feel like I have survivors guilt, but that is not going to stop me from posting the joys I see around me. I may be sticking to what I am seeing unfold around me that is good. Things in nature, the good deeds people are doing for one another, being able to connect with students who feel more comfortable asking me questions online because they are shy in school,  and the families I see spending more time together.

Take a look outside your situation and find your joy. It is worth fighting for.

#Findyourjoy

Wednesday Already!

In some ways this time has been crawling, but in other ways it is flying by. I've seen many posts today about it being April 1st and how glad people were to get March behind them. They are also worried about how long April might feel. I get it, but there are ways we can fill our days so they don't seem so long.
Here's my day:
1. I'm waking up whenever my body decided to- it is close to my normal time, but I know my carpool ride isn't coming at 6:20am so I take my time getting up
2. I shower (usually the dog then climbs in my spot to snuggle with Mark!)
3. I get dressed. (Yes I get dressed! I even wore a skirt one day last week because it was warm. Broke out the flip-flops too!)
4. I do my hair and makeup
5. I make a pot of coffee, get my breakfast, and sit at the table to eat it.(usually by this point Mark is coming out to get a cup of coffee too. We sit together at the table and discuss the plan for the day.)
6. After breakfast I do a short devotional and then get on my yoga mat and stretch.
7. Off to work (In the same room as my yoga mat) I put something yummy in the diffuser, grab my water bottle and log in.
8. I check my to do school list and get to work. at 11, I open my Microsoft Teams so the kids can contact me. I keep working on new curriculum, old curriculum, and the emails coming in about various things.
9. While I do this, Mark works on a couple of tasks we had discussed earlier.
10. After my meetings and curriculum work, I log off of school things and I get a snack.
11. Mark and I then tackle the together task we determined we would do in the morning. (For instance, today was deep clean the living room day. He did the floors and I did the dusting a picking up.
12. Then I make supper(Also pre-determined at our morning coffee clutch!)
13. Mark does the dishes and then we will take a walk, or soak in the hot tub
14. We then usually watch something on TV together.
15. Bedtime- any time I feel like it!

My day may seem a little rigid, but it's really quite flexible. I like the basic structure though. On the weekends that obviously changes. Our Saturday and Sunday do not have as much going on, Saturday is reserved for cleaning either outside or inside and Sunday for rest.

I feel in control with this schedule, and right now anything I can have control of makes me feel better.  It also is making the weeks move a little faster.

#Findyourjoy

Keeping Busy

Today was the first day I uploaded music activities to my Microsoft Teams. I have "office hours" every weekday. THIS IS CRAZY!!!! I just want to teach. I'm not cut out to do it this way. I miss my students and I'm worried for a lot of them.
How am I dealing with this?
 A list
A list of school things to do everyday such as preparing new activities, creating and re-creating new lesson plans for when we go back, and trying to reach out to students.

I also am doing a list of home things like: cleaning one room a day (dusting, vacuuming and mopping, etc.), de-cluttering, and making a list of projects to do once this is over!

I am also working on a proposal for the Middle School National Conference so my summer school colleagues and I can hopefully go present there in the Fall. I'm also working in conjunction with Roberts Wesleyan's education department and present our summer school instruction ideas to the current students. We were suppose to present at the Bowman Educational Symposium at the college in May but it was canceled.
My mom actually said to me the other day "Don't you wish you were still working on your dissertation right now? Think of the time you'd have!"  Yes and No! I'm glad that's over and I have my degree but the time would have been nice.
Anyway, I hope you are keeping busy with productive things to make yours and others lives better.


#Findyourjoy

Breathe in.... Breathe out

Somedays, that's all we can do and that's ok. This morning, I woke to a beautiful breeze coming through my window, and the birds singing me a song. So I laid in bed and just listened. I took deep breaths and I listened.
and....

It was wonderful!

Keeping positive

I am fully admitting that it is getting increasingly hard to stay positive, but here is what I am doing:

1. I am NOT watching the news. If I want information, I get it from reliable sources. I know what I need to be doing. I need to be STAYING HOME. I even told Mark not to talk to me about the news. When I want to know, I'll go to my reliable sources myself.

2. I am going to be blocking a few people on my social media temporarily. There are people  out there who never think positively, and only post negative things or post things from unreliable sources. I see those and panic, so I'm shutting them off temporarily.

3. I am keeping the things I can control in my control. I can go outside and breathe fresh air, I can control what to watch on TV, I can control cleaning my house, I can control where I go to get groceries or I can have them delivered.


Keep at the positive Joy announcements. Keep writing them down!

#Findyourjoy

Step #7- Write Your Joys Down

Have you seen the posts where people are putting positive messages in their windows and chalk messages on their driveways and sidewalks?

That is exactly what we need to be doing. When you write something down, you see it, and others see it too.

That is your homework today.

Write at least 1 joy down for today. Then do it tomorrow and the next day too. and the following day as well. keep finding one joy every day.... BUT WRITE THEM DOWN. And if you put them on social media, use this hashtag  #Findyourjoy

Here is mine for the day

I am sitting at my computer, talking to Paige(who is working) while I'm working. It's great that I can see her face!

Step #6- Extend Grace to Yourself and Others

This is so important right now.
Like I've said in other posts, it's ok to not be feeling ok. You need to extend Grace to yourself.
I have a hard time with this one.
I'm a self proclaimed control freak. I like order, I like to know what's going to happen, I like a plan.
The circumstances we are all under right now does not allow me to do this with much ease. I need to remember there are only so many things within my control right now and always. I need to look for things I can control and give myself some grace.
Here is what I CAN control:
1. My daily schedule
2. getting showered and dressed for the day
3. What I am eating
4. Moving my body
5. Doing work for school
6. Doing work for my Posh business
7. Doing other things that keep my mind sharp
8. reading books I haven't had time to read
9. Controlling how and when I get my information on current events
10. Writing this blog

I most importantly can PRAY!

As I look at this list, I already feel more in control.  If you are feeling out of control, then make a list. Post it where you can see it and refer to it.

If we are able to extend ourselves grace, then it's easier to extend it to others.
Many of us are feeling the same way right now.
Here are some ways I know to extend grace, and a few I saw from friends of mine:
1. send a cute emoji to a friend
2. Create a sign and hang it in your window. (Make it BIG so people can see it!)
3. Go through your FB friends list and pray for each one by name(Thanks Charity)
4. Make a huge pot of soup or goulash etc. and leave some on your neighbor's porch.
5. Play an online game with someone.
6. Have a "virtual" dinner. Call a friend, make dinner, set the table, dress up, and FaceTime or Skype.
7. Have a book club over the phone or virtually
8. Have a virtual Dance party
9. Say "Good Morning" to the people you normally would say that too EVRY MORNING!(Thanks Lisa!)
10. Start a project to help those on the front lines.

There are many ideas to help others during this time. It extends grace to them and makes you feel good in the process

Win Win

#Findyourjoy

Step#5 Speak in Love when others need Encouragement

These are trying times. When things like that happen, people tend to get really short with their responses and words. It's because we are tired, we are scared, and we are fearful. It's ok to feel all of those feelings. But...... we also need to be mindful that this is a time too slow down, and be mindful of our words. There are a lot of people out there needing encouragement right now. So I beg of you, slow down and speak with loving words. I can't tell people when this will end, I can only tell them it will. 
Need some help with finding words of encouragement?

Try these:
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
– Robert H. Schuller

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”
– Marie Curie

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”
— Albert Einstein

Above all, reach out to people in this time. A simple "Hi, I was thinking about you"goes a long way for them and you.

As always.... Take care and #Findyourjoy

Step #4- Be an Encourager to Others

Many of us have nothing else to do but sit and think and think and think. It drives me crazy to do that. What's the better option?
Be an Encourager
You know people who need it right now. those friends that are scared. Reach out to them. encourage them, just listen if you can.
Also, Please encourage those that are still out there working:
our medical personnel
our first responders
our restaurant workers
our grocery workers
our trucking industry
our package and mail carriers

Thank them and encourage them
How?

• Make a sign that says Thank You and post it on your mailbox
• If you do have to go to the store, practice social distancing and be kind. Say Thank You
• Support your local restaurants if you are able . Medical personnel have said to move the take out from the container, place it on a plate, throw the container out, microwave  the meal for 30 seconds, and make sure you  wash your hands
• Check in on people through the phone, FaceTime or other social media
• Pray for them

Now more than ever we need to encourage one another, and we can do this and keep our physical distance at the same time.

We've got this
Love to you and #Findyourjoy

Step #3- Find Your Community

This is soooo important right now. We need our community of people. I am so thankful that technology is what it is because I can social distance and keep with my community.
In fact, within the last 24 hours I have:
1. met with my whole department in a zoom meeting
2. Facetimed with Paige and Jared
3. Watched my brother-in-law get married in his living room because...well what else was he going to do?
4. messaged many people who had questions about the blessing bags
5. Texted quite a bit of my family


But I also got outside today too.
Our neighbors love to walk our dog. They texted me, I got him ready and we took him out to the road to meet them. At the same time our other neighbors with their 3 littles came by (it's a dead end street, so there's a lot of room to keep our distance).  The girls made me smile, they were riding bikes with tutus and fairy wings on!!!

Keep your distance, but keep in contact with your community. They are as important as ever.

Lots of love and #Findyourjoy

Step # 2- Tell your story

You need to tell your story..... OUT LOUD!

Especially in these weird times we are facing, it is more important than ever to get our story out.  Write it down, tell it to someone. Say all of it. The good and the bad. Hopefully you will have more good in there if you really dug deep yesterday and found joy.

It was rainy here today, but someone said to me...."This is how God is washing everything away and making it new" It was super comforting.

You don't have to look too far to find someone telling their story. The majority of my friends are trying very hard to be positive and find their joy, but some people on my social media feeds are really struggling and only posting the negative. I actually considered blocking them temporarily for my own sanity, but then I thought.... NO. I am going to continue to spread light and love, and they need to see and hear it.


Here is my story today.
I have had moments where I feel uneasy and anxious even, but I am focusing on the things I can control. Helping the health care workers by putting blessing bags together with thank you notes, hand cream samples, and mints. I am working on stuff for school. I am working on helping out my alma mater by offering to zoom into their edu classes to present and/ or do a Q and A.  These things make me feel better. They give me JOY!

So tell your story, your whole story or even just today's story.
1. Journal it in a notebook or online
2. Call of FaceTime someone and ask them their story and then tell them yours


Stay safe and always remember to #Findyourjoy

Step #1- Only YOU can find your joy

Only YOU can find your joy. No one else can do it for you.
This joy has to come from deep within.
In this time of uncertainty, this can be the hardest step. When I finally had to "put on my big kid pants" and do this, it was hard.
It's been a hard thing every time I've had to do it.
EVERYTIME.
It isn't a one and done thing, it is a constant, consistent thing.
You have to remind yourself everyday, every hour, even every minute.


I know what you are thinking right now.." Kim, how can I find ANYTHING to be joyful about?"

I can't answer that for you because YOU have to find it. I can give you places to look though.

For instance, this morning, I woke up and instead of turning on the news, I heard the birds singing. I HEARD THE BIRDS SINGING!!! Then Jaeger(my dog) saw those birds and began barking!!! I laughed out loud. The birds are still chirping, and my dog is still a crazy, cooky dog.
Having that normalcy started my day out well. I did turn on the news, but only for 15 minutes until I saw the weather. Then I turned it off and told Alexa to play music. I showered, got dressed(capris and flip-flops because Spring is coming!! I had breakfast and made my list of things to accomplish today (school and home). See, I love lists. I love order. I love having a plan and executing it. My lists don't look the same, but they are lists. That's how I've found my joy in the first hour I'm up.
I will not turn on the news or really look at social media too much. I'm doing what I'm suppose to do. I am practicing social distancing, I am washing my hands. Those things I can control. I cannot control what anyone else does, so I don't watch the news too much.
My plan today includes a walk this afternoon, probably a nap with the windows open to hear the birds and the neighbor kids playing. I love that we have kids in the neighborhood again. Hearing them swing on their swings, laughing, play basketball, and ride their bikes makes me happy. It gives me joy.

Look to the simple things around you to find your joy. It can be as simple as stopping for 10 seconds and listen to the birds sing. It may be having the time to have your coffee outside while you listen to the birds. It may be hard, but finding joy is worth fighting for. FINDING JOY IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! I have fought for 4 1/2 years everyday to find my joy. It's a habit now.

I can't find your joy for you, but I know you can find it. Just open your window today, and listen, listen for those birds singing. I would love to hear what your discovered today. I would love to know where you found your joy today.

Love and light to all of you and
#Findyourjoy

Let's review

In the craziness of our "new normal", we need to be able to call upon the things that we know. It was only 5 months ago that I stood before many ladies and talked about finding joy in the midst of chaos.
So..... I believe it is time for a review. We need this now more than ever.
I will outlining the 7 steps in the next 7 days along with practical applications.
Please share the heck out of this.

I want to see #Findyourjoy trending.
Those of you who have heard me speak, have read my blog, and know my journey, know that I have had my share of adversity.
This scenario we have today, has shaken me a little, but I am ready to take what I have learned and apply it. I want to help you and others apply it as well.
Now more than ever we need our communities. Let's build a big one!

Please share this, get your circle ready to review the 7 steps in the next 7 days along with practical ways to implement those steps. Step #1 is tomorrow- Only YOU can find your joy.

God Bless and #Findyourjoy

What to do with the unknown and the fear

I have lived with the unknown medically and financially for 4 1/2 years.
It is scary.
It is a real feeling.
How have I coped?
How can that transfer to this situation?

First, even though we feel out of control, we have to stay calm and be smart.
It is natural to feel out of control. It is natural to want to be in control.
Here are the facts: We can't be in control of everything.
When people feel like this they do one of a few things:
1. turn to their faith
2. turn to meditation and yoga
3. turn to exercise
4. turn to focusing on what they do have control of
5. Turn to their community

These are the things I suggest. Obviously don't gather with your community in large groups, but we are fortunate to live in a time where we can connect without being in the same physical space. I have met quite a few of you only once in person, but you are a part of my community.

The things we should not do:
1. turn to destructive habits like over-drinking
2. Panic- it's ok to be concerned, but instead of panicking, turn that energy into something positive
3. Engage in pointless arguments on social platforms- this is a time to come together not to cut each other down.


Be informed, be calm, help your neighbors, support your community, and above all show kindness and compassion.


Mark and I both fit the CDC guidelines with conditions that could cause us to be immunosuppressed. We are continuing to live our life, although a little differently(mostly because the things we would have been doing that puts us with larger groups of people have been canceled).

Above all, this is going to be a lesson for all of us, I don't know what it will be, but I hope it is something positive.  Also, please continue on a daily basis to #Findyourjoy

Renewal

Spring is a time of renewal. it is a time when all of the things that have been dormant for the winter start to return to life. I want that too.
We need to change with the seasons just as everything around us does.
I have decided that I am going to enter into Spring purposefully. I want that sense of renewal, and I can make it happen. Not just on my own (that's why I have my community) but I am going to do it.

How?

First, I had a conversation with my beautiful yoga instructor Danielle telling her what I wanted to accomplish in the month of March to move toward Spring and that I wanted to be included in the renewal that happens in nature.
She is putting together yoga practices for me with poses that will support this.

Second, I have been clearing physical space in my home. We are so "closed up" all winter, so I am trying to make the space in my home as light and airy as the fresh air that comes with Spring. For instance, tomorrow when the temps are 50, you better believe the windows will be open in my house.

Third, I change the oils I use on myself and in my diffusers to coincide with Spring smells. I change my hand cream to scents that do this as well.

Fourth, I know that the next 2 and a half months are super busy for me, so I am planning purposefully. My calendar is at hand, I choose what I am going to do with purpose. I am doing the things I want to do. I am also saying no and taking time for myself.

Lastly is the thing I have to really work on. It is the thing I am struggling with the most. For the most part I have surrounded myself with people who have my best interest in mind. However, to only be around people like that is impossible. You know what I'm talking about. Sometimes the people who are toxic to us are in close proximity.  It could be family members, people you work with, or people you sit on committees with. You have to be able to work with them, so how do you protect yourself from the toxicity?
That is what is standing in my way to a complete renewal for the Spring.
I'm going one step at a time and will be praying and meditating on this last thing.
I welcome suggestions and encouragement.
I will provide the same for you.

#Findyourjoy

Snow Days and Springtime

Winter decided to come all at once the last three days! Our winter had been fairly mild, when suddenly on Wednesday we woke up to a Blizzard warning forecasted for Thursday and Friday! So, no school Thursday or Friday. I was able to do some things around the house, catch up on some tv and read! It has been lovely.
 Mark is currently out blowing the snow out of the driveway(the second time in 24 hours). He had only used the snow blower 3 or 4 times until then. We probably received around 2 feet when all was said and done, but it's kind of hard to tell because the winds were so strong for much of the time.

Anyway, they are saying that should be it for huge storms.
I'm ready for Spring. I like what it represents.

Next week we "spring ahead". I love that too.

Spring provides HOPE. It's the time when things that have been dormant in nature start coming back to life. The trees, the flowers, the grass. The birds come back. I start to see my neighbors outside more. Spring is the perfect time for us to look for HOPE and renew ourselves.

Having these snow days has given me a lot of time to reflect and think about what I want for my spring renewal. I'm still working on it, and will post again soon with what I came up with. I hope I'll be able to help you find HOPE in this time of spring renewal too.

#Findyourjoy

Do you have a community?

Community. Do you have one?

I do, and they are incredible!

I had a bad week last week. Usually in these moments I would reach out to my community, but last week just hit me so hard that I didn't reach out.
However, my community knew I needed them. They reached out to me.
Some knew of my struggles last week, but many did not.

What did this show me?
That I need to reach out as often as possible to people in my community because you never know what they might be going through. They may not reach out. Even the ones that are usually transparent.

It doesn't have to be a big deal to reach out. Just send a card, a quick note, a text, a phone call. Even those you don't know who you see out and about town. Offer a smile, a wave, hold a door open.

Be present in the moment and not worrying about 10 minutes from now. I don't do being in the present very well, it's something I constantly work on. By focusing on those around me though, that helps keeps me in the present moment.

Back to question at the top. Do you have a community?
You might and not even know you do.
If you don't, find one.
Join a club, join a church, take an adult education class, get a few friends together you haven't seen in awhile and have a potluck dinner, play a board game, grab some girlfriends together and go to a paint night.
We live busy lives, it doesn't have to happen every week, but once a month or every couple of months. Just make the commitment to do it. Your community will build!

Thank you to my community for helping me out last week, I'm overwhelmed at your love and generosity!

#Findyourjoy

Are there big and little joys?

Are Joys Joys? or are there big joys and little joys? Does it matter?

These are a few of the things I have been wrestling with lately. I think these are things we all wrestle with when it comes to finding joy.

Are there levels to joys? The big ones being something like engagements, marriage, pregnancies, births, retirement, a new house etc.

And small joys like I slept well last night, I had a productive day at work, I didn't fight with my spouse, I had a nice dinner etc.

If we are qualifying joys then do these levels of joys add up? Are there a certain amount of joys before a person really "feels" joy?

I'm wrestling with this because I am starting to feel the need for  a "big" joy to happen in my life. I'm feeling stuck. I do see the little joys, but there are a lot of big joys happening around me right now and I want one.

I know people will look at this and tell me "well, your big joy was beating cancer, Mark's stroke not taking his life". All of that is true, but these are joys that come from something bad NOT happening. I feel like my big joys are only those kind of joys. The kind where Mark or I have escaped something bad, so it should count as a joy.

I'm not talking about that though, I'm talking about the joy that comes from a dream or a goal being realized. Something really big. I want that kind of joy. I feel like I need that kind of joy to happen so I feel like I am really moving through life toward something, not just trying to survive day by day.

Lately I have felt like I am just surviving. I'm just surviving at home, I'm just surviving at work, and I'm just surviving personally.

It takes a lot to admit something like that. It's hard to see people I love and cherish get big joys, and I am truly happy for them, but honestly I want one too. Then I beat myself up for being selfish.
I don't want to just survive anymore, I want to be in a place where I am thriving. I want to be in a position where someone sees me and thinks" Wow, what a great thing has happened for her" instead of " I'm so sorry you are going through all of this but you are handling it so well."  I'd like a day, one care-free day where I don't have to "handle" stuff.

Deep down, I know that is impossible. We all go through stuff. There are people going through way worse stuff than me. Then I think about that and feel selfish again.

I just needed to get my feelings out because well, keeping them bottled up inside is not a good thing at all.

So, to answer my own question.... Joys are joys I think. I am the one that puts the qualifier on whether the joy is big or small.  I could not have joy at all, and then where would i be? so, I'll take any joy I can get big or small because at least i have joys and that will get me to the next joy and so on and so forth.

I don't regret the things that have brought me here... they do stink, but it is part of my journey. A journey that was designed for me.

It has taken me three days to write this post. Just last night I received a private Facebook message from a former student. She wanted to know the name of a song I had taught about in 8th grade general music. She loved the song and wanted to listen to it. Yesterday two people I hadn't heard from in years reached out to me. These random acts caused me to realize that even when I don't know I need my community, they're right there with me.
I'm finding joy today much easier than the last three and that's ok. That's ok.
#Findyourjoy

Struggle or Challenge

This week was ROUGH! I had a lot of neuropathy pain, but even more than that school was difficult to say the least. I know that it wasn't just the situation that caused the bad week, it was also my mindset(or not being able to get out of a poor mindset). Because my mindset was part of the problem, I turned a week that should have been a challenge into a week that was a struggle and that stinks!
I missed opportunities to think and overcome those challenges because I was too busy moaning and groaning.

I'm sure my colleagues were super sick of me this week, and if you are one of those people and are reading this"I'm sorry".  I know I owe a HUGE THANK YOU to my closest colleagues(you know who you are), and my husband for not kicking me out of the office or the house!

So, I have the weekend to re-center and get it right this week.  Danielle and Yoga helped this week, but I was so off from center that it is going to take a lot of work to get back towards center. I was super mad that I let myself get this far from center, but I can't dwell on that and need to get moving.

My bible study girls helped a lot on Monday (I could have used them everyday)

Deb and Donna.... I love you both and I owe you a TON of baked goods and flowers!

My music department peeps. Sharing an office with you is amazing and I feel a sense of calm in my chaotic world when we are all in there laughing and talking! We need soup!

So.... I work on myself this weekend by doing things that bring me joy (I'll let you know how the weekend panned out in the next post) so I can go into this last week of school before the break with a better mindset.

I know that things might not go smoothly, but this week I am determined to make any roadblocks that might come up a challenge and not a struggle.

A struggle brings ME down, and a challenge makes me RISE UP AND SOLVE!

#Findyourjoy

Anniversaries

This last week was the 4 year anniversary of the day I started Chemo for breast cancer. I am happily cancer free today.
This diagnosis of breast cancer, the subsequent treatment, the medical issues that arose during and after treatment, and Mark's medical issues only 6 months after completely finishing treatment is what set me on this #Findyourjoy journey.

Anniversaries are for celebrating. Do I celebrate this anniversary? HECK YES!
How can you celebrate something that seems so devastating? so life-altering?
I celebrate, because it is my story.... it is what makes me the Kim you know today.

I have looked for the opportunity in this journey, and I see it everyday.
I see it in.....

• the decisions I have made to keep my life in balance
• discovering yoga and it's benefits to me physically and emotionally 
• the opportunities to tell my story and help people
• the way I handle my relationships with those close to me
• the amazing people that have been brought into my life because of this journey
• the strength I have to get up and make the most of my day

So celebrate those anniversaries. The happy ones, the sad ones, and the life-changing ones. It has made you who you are today.

#Findyourjoy

Struggling

Whew! I have been struggling this week.
We met with Mark's disability lawyer to talk about his upcoming hearing. It was hard for him. He's a little out of sorts and I hate to see him like that.
We will make it through though and keep moving along one day at a time.

So , what do you do when you are struggling?

Here are some things I do when I'm struggling

1. I talk to my trusted friends.
2. I get on my yoga mat and breath and stretch
3. I listen to music or I play piano
4. I pamper myself. A nice warm bath and a face mask.
5. I make sure I'm getting enough rest.


I have a pretty chill weekend planned so I'm sure these five things will all happen, and them I'll be ready to face the next week!

#Findyourjoy

Joy Jar

They can be called Joy Jars or Gratitude Jars. Whatever you call them.... just try using one.

It's simple, find a jar, some paper, and every week write down something good that happened. Put it in the jar and at the end of the year, you'll have 52 joys in the jar. I'm planning on reading them January 31, 2020.

Now to pick the time every week that you do this.
I chose the day we fill our pill cases. Weird I know, but there are a couple of reasons for this.

1. We have to do it every week
2. We do it together because Mark needs help reading and keeping track of what goes in and which time of day. He takes a lot of meds since the stroke.
3. It reminds us (especially me) of how thankful I am for having a job, having health insurance, and being able to pay for these meds Mark needs to be able to function.


We started our Joy Jar today.
Grab a jar and start yours!



#Findyourjoy

Find a Space

I am really glad we had two weeks off for vacation. I  was able to get a few things organized around here. It took me all day(I paced myself!) and my office is completely organized for the new year.

This is a room I LOVE! Once both kids moved out, this became a room where I have my desk, my dresser, my closet, my essential oils, my Perfectly Posh business materials, and my yoga stuff. It truly is a sanctuary for me. I set up one of the Amazon Echo Dots in here and programed a morning routine. It'll tell me the weather, plays my favorite songs, and set alarms for me to know when I have to move it to the kitchen to get ready to go.

A few things about all of this and taking care of yourself:

1. Find a space for YOU! It doesn't have to be a whole room, it can be a little corner. I just saw a picture of a women whose husband made her a little desk that fit perfectly where she had space.  


2. Wherever your space will be or is, put your favorite things there. Maybe a candle, some flowers, a diffuser, a salt lamp, pictures of loved ones.... anything that makes you realize your joys.

3. Spend time in this space. Even if it is 5 minutes a day. Write here, pray or meditate here, work here, organize your life here, read here, or just sit quietly here.


Here is part of my space:

I hope you can take some time this weekend to create a space just for you. I'd love to see pictures of it when it's done!

#Findyourjoy